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St. John’s Dormitory according to a contraband I-Phone photographer who wishes to remain anonymous
Yesterday, February 20th at around 9:40 AM MST several witnesses reported hearing a humming noise followed by a loud bang emanating from the St. John’s dormitory. While it remains unconfirmed, the dormitory site is supposedly now under lock-down by the student life office and their have been several reports that the dorm is completely gone.
No injuries are reported and while members of St. John’s could not be reached at press time, feelings about the incident are mixed elsewhere: “We’re actually kind of happy about it over here,” says a resident of St. Athanasius , a rival dorm located across the street from St. John’s, when he heard of the destruction. “We sustained little damage, and we have the positive of knowing our little rivals at John’s can’t strike back at us.”

While our reporters have as yet not been able to fully survey the scene, a witness reported seeing shattered fragments everywhere of St. John’s secret tortilla chip supply, suggesting that this supposed explosion began in their laundry room, where they are reported to have stored their (stolen?) tortilla chips in a contraband Frassati plastic container.

Although the source of the explosion is still under investigation, an informant from St. Josemaria’s suggests that the Wyoming I.R.A., angered over new policies from the WCC Student Life Office could have played a role. Also suspect is St. Johns, given the above feelings expressed by one of its members, but residents of St. Leo’s, also next to John’s claim they had no role in the explosion and “offer their condolences to those shocked by the events and looking for answers” as Sean Norton, a Leo’s resident said.

Members of St. John’s sister dorm, St. Joan’s also could not be reached for comment.