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Students were stunned several weeks ago by the school’s recognition of Everett Polinski within the WCC Curriculum, that is, within the Theology 102 Final Exam.

From IIT Chairman Everett himself, how he got into the WCC Curriculum

It was the first day of finals. Everyone was scared – and excited. Days-hours-minutes, we had poured over that study guide for hours, in hopes of some breakthrough to actually understanding something. We came in to the room, with computers, because we were to type our answers. Dr. Holmes came in, he handed out papers with the test, the final we had all terrorized ourselves over for days.

We looked, we began to read, and then in a moment of surprise, I though I had been tricked. I know a lot of people at WCC know about us, that is the company that I and several other students run on the side, Irkutsk Ice Truckers. I/we know that many people find us and me in particular pretty funny, a goofball (get it?). So I first though it was a prank.

Would Dr. Holmes really mention a current student like me, or for that matter, anyone, within a serious test? I wondered: Who had given me my specific copy of the final? Had I taken it from a stack? Had he handed it to me?

Then I realized.

It wasn’t just me.

Everyone was laughing. They all had received the same test, the same final, mentioning me. He had written the final as a story, and it was a conversation with me.

A scanned snippet from the final

Of course as I and some of associates communicated after the final to Dr. Holmes, he had taken great poetic license with my character. My roommate Matthew White of Idaho, most definitely did not write this final, so it being written as from my roommate was the first strike against it.

As Dr. Holmes, whom we all assume actually wrote the final in some parody of my attempts at parody and odd character says in it: “Don’t get me wrong”, I say the same. I liked the final, I liked being mentioned. But its an odd experience taking a test that’s about you in front of thirty other students who are laughing about a parody of your character. Odd, but again, I liked it.

My first thought though, however, after surviving the multiplicity of the essays it required was to take stock of what this moment meant for me. I was in the WCC Curriculum – which means, that Everett Polinski, being in the WCC Curriculum in some sense (I can’t remember now if it would be metaphorical, spiritual, or sophistical) could be chosen by me, Everett Polinski, as the author to study in the Junior year Junior Author Project.

Not to be too prideful, but that would be fun, to interpret myself. I think I’ll choose him then. Thanks, Dr. Holmes for the inclusion. Oh, wait, but interpreting Andrew Russell would be cool to, maybe…

Well, that’s about it for now, I hope everyone else liked the final just as much as I did, but hopefully found it less weird at least of an experience. Thanks for reading IIT and being such loyal customers of our products though. I think it’s only because of what each and every one of you has done to support our business here that the professors took such notice.

Only because of you did we get the Holmes Theology Recounts without a heresy bell even.

Rock on my fellow student rockers,

Everett Polinski