The popular country band Soul Butter, already endangered as to its existence with the pending graduation of most of its members from Wyoming Catholic College, has recently been rocked by scandal as reports are just coming out that its head drummer, Mr. King of St. Leo’s, actually used a  synthetic generator in his role.
Has Soul Butter been really just a fake all along?
While synthetic systems like this usually wouldn’t bother Freshmen Rockers like us here at IIT, we believe that unlike the metal and ice that are IIT, organizations primarily consisting of the current WCC seniors should be consistent with their nature, their essence. Thus as it is the nature of the Senior class as a whole to be serious and deep, anything which contradicts the depthness and truth that they should be living out is a “serious” problem to their life both individually and as a class, and to the “good of the community as a whole”.
Charles Karson
With allegations thus having suddenly come out over the past weeks the question on all our minds here at the Metalhouse is why didn’t we know about this sooner? Charles Karson, the first source of the allegations against King, says he only discovered Kings usage of a synthetic pad during Soul Butter performances by accident last week. A Junior at Wyoming Catholic College, he came into Crux Coffee with his date in the midst of a redenition of “Wagon Wheel” by Soul Butter. As he describes, “I walked over to talk to them and noticed that King, although the lead drummer was at the back of the band, hidden by the other performers. Impressed particularly with him as I was I went over to thank him after the performance, but tripped over a cord when I stepped up to him, and I glimpsed an electronic drum pad in front of King. That surprised me, but a crowd had gathered around me as I got up, and I didn’t see the pad again, so maybe… I don’t know.”
While Charles’ report breaks off here, he had other business to attend to, and gave up trying to talk to King for the moment, several other reports have been received that similarly testify to at least King’s if not other band members’ instruments being electric or otherwise synthetic, with some saying that even the whole band has actually been that way all along. While we struggle to see how they could have completely faked that they were a true instrumental country band, the wide ranging reports are impossible to deny and may lead to the band disbanding earlier than expected as attendance at their concerts is already down at least 34% since this story broke last week as Aretari at Irkutsk Ice Surveys reports.
The student life office at Wyoming Catholic College has no plans as of yet to press charges against the band for fraudulently displaying itself as an actual “old time string band” with drums, but the junior class has already pulled Soul Butter’s entry for performing at their dance later this month in the face of growing public pressure.