The seniors of the Wyoming Catholic College Class of 2022 are preparing to graduate in three weeks. As we of the broader school community lookup, or snobbishly down, at them, the editorial review board at Irkutsk Ice Truckers News thought it would be a great thing to summarize the class’s time here at WCC with a bunch of fast facts, primarily in numerical form.
But first, anecdotally, our editorial board wants to comment first on the question on everyone’s minds: “Are you happy that they’re leaving or not?” Speaking as someone who wants their study spaces after their departure, I would say yes, but something Dr. Virginian said last week about decorum makes me hesitate. So I guess I’ll equivocate. Hype is my answer. Hype is my class. Hype was the Class of 2022, and since they appear like they all want to leave, I’ll agree with them, for their sake, and for the sake of the common good.
37: Number of members of the class projected to graduate. This is far better than most of IIT’s projections from two years ago (SEE HERE) and almost reaching our best possible case scenario projection of 39 members. 2022 has really come around from their early days of dropping like flies, an improvement the IIT staff attributes primarily to threats from Dr. Virginia.
2: Number of married students in the class. This is the highest number ever recorded at WCC. The biggest question on our minds though is whether the Class of 2024 will match this? Jeff Sarvis, chief director of apartments reporting for us, is projecting six married students in three couples by the current sophomores’ senior year? What do you think?
18,833: Number of games of euchre played by members of the class. Projected to be exceeded by the current sophomores by the end of this coming year.
0: Number of real Byzantines in the Class of 2022
13: Number of “fake” Byzantines in the Class of 2022
0: Number of real Rad-Trads in the Class of 2022
7: Number of “fake” Rad-Trads in the Class of 2022
1: Number of Joe Nemec’s in the Class of 2022. Yes, this is likely to be a record never matched by any other class at WCC.
11: Number of members of Section 100 of the Class of 2022. The smallest regular section in WCC school history.
8: Number of members of Section 100 of the Class of 2022 who regularly show up for class.
1: Number of children projected to be born to members of the Class of 2022 during their finals week. (We think)
4 (and rising quickly): Number of members of the Class of 2o22 who are projected to miss most of their finals and last week of classes. Reasons given include giving birth, drill, sickness, sleep, justice, charity, and tomatoes.
50%: Percentage of the Class of 2022, exactly 18.5 people, who are currently married, engaged, or dating. The last “0.5” is a complicated story, statistical artifact, or remnant of being, depending on which professor we asked to help us explain it away.
3.1415926…: Pi (approximate). It has very little to do with the Class of 2022 except that Ruth is known to make a lot of pies.
3: Number of cults started by members of the Class of 2022. Don’t ask. Unfortunately, the Class of 2024 is just about as bad.
1: Number of Brendan Floody’s in the Class of 2022. Again, we can’t match that.
3: Number of sacristans and former sacristans in the Class of 2022. Unfortunately, none of them broke through the infamous glass ceiling of WCC sacristaneering, all were men. Rumors are currently abounding that an unnamed sophomore woman might be the first to become a WCC sacristan in the school’s history. At IIT and the Class of 2024, we’re excitedly awaiting this profound and groundbreaking moment.
Also, this might be the first in a series of articles about the Class of 2022. Stay tuned for more about the upcoming departure of the seniors!