Vatican City – Pope Francis, in what the Vatican has called a “synodal move aiming to increase just and equitable synodality with synodal characteristics,” has moved to officially create an invest a new liturgical rite within the Roman Catholic Church, the Wyoming Catholic College Ordinariate serving the faithful at small Catholic liberal arts school Wyoming Catholic College (WCC) in Lander, Wyoming.
“This will solve all the problems that indigenous Wyomingite peoples, especially those at WCC, face,” said a Vatican spokesman. “The new liturgical rite we’re building from the ground up is, for one, synodal. Also, it’s synodal. It’s hip. It has something in it to please everybody.”
In structure, the new liturgical rite for WCC will be based on the Ordinary Form of the Roman Rite but will include the two things that make Extraordinary Form lovers love the old rite, naming a few more saints in the Latin confiteor and the triple Domine non sum dignus. But lest Modernists feel left out, the WCC Ordinariate liturgy will feature country or rock music as standard accompaniment, use the Message translation of the Bible, and require lay Extraordinary Ministers and an altar rail, although Holy Communion must be received standing on the tongue.
“But there’s more to why the Vatican is making a liturgical rite just for us,” commented the president of WCC, Dr. Shrubbery. “It’s not just to produce something cool that has something for everyone. No, this is practical. The WCC Ordinariate liturgy will include special dispensations and liturgical calendar modifications that come with it as part of the package.”
In order to make scheduling for WCC’s Outdoor Trips easier, the Sunday Mass can be celebrated any day during the week, provided that the sensibilities of the local Catholics of other rites are met.
Further, in order to make WCC’s academic scheduling easier, the investiture of the new rite by Pope Francis include “that it is traditional and meet to celebrate the Eucharist at whatever time of day is deemed fitting by the dean.
The holy demands of noble simplicity means that the Liturgical calendar will be modified within this new rite to remove “around 95% or more of saints” whilst the WCC Ordinariate’s liturgical calendar will follow the WCC academic calendar, with any major saints’ feast days that remain transferred to be celebrated during the academic year. Mass will not be celebrated during finals weeks, but, in a move to placate Rad-Trads, Ember Days will return to the liturgical calendar, but with a new and improved meaning, this now being days in which Mass must be celebrated next to a campfire.
Several new saints, however, will also be added to the liturgical calendar, including St. John Senior, St. Paul Kiesow Petzoldt, the founder of NOLS, and St. Eutyches.
The Pope will officially choose and invest a priest as the bishop over this new liturgical rite in the coming weeks.