Here at IIT “lower-forty-eight” headquarters in Lander, WY it has come to our attention that a mental disorder has been spreading across the W.C.C campus over the past two weeks or so. Known as ludusoperitia and first diagnosed February 11th by IIT Chief Rsearch Doctor, Dr. Michael AJ Zagorski, this dangerous disorder has weirdly spiked and taken on dozens of victims across the school.
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| Dr. Michael AJ Zagorski |
Victims have a weird attraction to academic work, actually doing the required readings and assignments, have trouble sleeping as they want to continue studying, and have little social life, only interacting with others to communicate advanced geometrical concepts.
The origin of this malady is still under investigation by our team of medical specialists, famous for their groundbreaking treatments last year of a mystery patient known only by his first initial “T”. They suspect influence, however, of Heithoff’s comments last week that “we are primarily an academic institution” (that is concerning the school WCC) in contributing to this outbreak but the environmental conditions that would lead words to be taken so to heart by the freshman rockers and the school more broadly.
In the meantime, however, to stop the dangers of this outbreak to the “Class of ’22’s” reputation as freshmen rockers and our mission of making everyone into the best metalhead version of themself, IIT is offering free psychological consultations with Everett, Dr. Zagorski, and our Average Muslim Liturgist to counteract the community’s obvious obsessions and return everyone to a more normal party lifestyle. Typical treatments will include Dr. Mik’s signature medical experimentation, metal music sessions, assignments and counseling on how to skip homework and procrastinate, and more
Contact everett.polinski@irkutskicetruckers.com or medhelp@irkutskicetruckers.com to schedule your free consultation.
Remember, we want to help you live a normal rocker life, free from this dangerous outbreak.
We’re from IIT, and we’re here to help!