APPLETON, WI—Fr. Angus of St. Timothy Catholic Church in Appleton appeared on EWTN today “surprised and amazed” at his discovery yesterday of just how involved one of his families is in the parish.

“I always knew they were in a lot of the ministries, but I never would have guessed just how much time they spend here,” he commented. “They pretty much live here, between one of their boys serving at every Mass, ministry meeting every night, training sessions on the weekends, homeschool co-ops every morning, other projects… They show up every morning in their fifteen -passenger van at 6 am but I only just realized today that its the same van parked there all morning, all afternoon, and most of the time, up to 9 or 10 at night.”

What has shocked most commentators, however, is how rather than living right next to the church as might be expected of families visiting so often, the Hartman family that here has so stupified their pastor hails from more than an hour away.

“We should consider ourselves lucky to have such good customers, err. parishioners,” comments Bill Benducii, head of St. Timothy’s finance council. “Though they are a high-maintenance Catholic family as evidenced by their above-average use of our facilities, their type is actually the most profitable demographic we have.”

To reward and at the same time safeguard their asset, Bill and Fr. Angus have proposed offering the Hartmans access to one of the church’s underutilized classrooms to stay overnight or use whenever they want.

But even though the Hartman’s may seem to deserve it, such access is seen as favoritism by others. “Why don’t we just make official and make them “live here?” asks an anonymous parishioner in what might be sarcasm, we suspect. “St. Tim won’t give one to us, will they?” he continues.

St. Timothy’s parish council votes Tuesday on whether to disburse access to this room to the Hartmans. Its chairman, Thomas Hartman, however, will not be present for the vote due to concerns over a conflict of interest though he will take the time to teach an extra RE class that same night.