Lander, WY: The “studying squad” famous for their rigid use and omnipresence at the far table in the Wyoming Catholic College’s St. Jerome Library may be moving to a larger table this year, special IIT sources report.
After taking up residence initially at the table now occupied by Odid, Erma, Scrimp, and several other seniors, the “studying squad” moved to their current table as they expanded their membership to include several more members of the Class of 2021. But another expansionary policy, announced at 7pm today, is soon to launch, and will see them outgrowing even their current domain.
One member commented that they wanted “all of them” in response to Jack’s proposal about adding Freshmen to their exclusive “club table”. Instantly liking the idea, it was officially adopted by universal consent pending a larger space to accommodate said “freshpersons”. A sub-committee of the club is now looking for a new spot for their operation, but there is fear among some members, including Adam McClure of Washington who “knows Baldwin personally and personally knows that there isn’t any other space that would even have a chance of fitting everyone the club wants to add all at once.”
Other “groups” of students, including IIT’s own A-Z Daters Anonymous are worried that this plan by the “studying squad” might threaten their own studying spaces, but Adam says that all territorial acquisitions will be conducted in accord with proper Roman canon law and the will of the majority as per the rules and regulations their members did so solemnly sign here-forth.”
This does not give full comfort to us, but per a conversation we held with WCC Security, the school plans to withhold action until they greater apprehend and understand whether this plan be a “security threat” or merely a “cultural threat”.
As our WCC Security source tells us, “they’re more concerned about the impact private groupings might have on the school than they are on where the groups meet. Just imagine thirty freshmen pledging allegiance to a “pseudo-section” of studiers other than that assigned to each by Student Life.”