While Wyoming Catholic College will be resuming classes in the fall, onerous restrictions will still need to be followed to comply with various Federal, State, and local regulations. While not completely obliterating the academic life and community pursuit that is the college’s aim, the changes in totu really do put a damper on things, like rushing forward in a car with an emergency brake on, something’s got to give.
So the staff at IIT decided to come up with a list of ways the school could if they wanted, avoid such onerous regulations, and, shall we say, get err done (to quote a Dr. Zimmer in disguise) and get on with life.
DISCLAIMER: The school is not pursuing these options and is in full compliance with applicable regulations as to the regulations the school itself is enforcing. This opinion piece by certain members of the Irkutsk Ice Truckers staff merely shows a few ways the school could get around the state limitations, sort of legally. It doesn’t look like they will try any of these, but shucks, at least it’s fun to posit them.
Here are a few of the best ones:
- Declare the WCC grounds, campus buildings, ranch, and any associated operations to be part of an “autonomous zone”
In other words, secede. It’s been done before. It’s being done right now in Seattle with the new independent state of CHAZ. Why not? Might get the school publicity. The SuperFlex team could take care of police work, WFRs could be the medical system, Peter McNow could be the supreme leader, and maybe a few of the Cowboy team could be other emergency services. Why don’t we at least try it?
- 1 Minute of Work-Study Before & After Each Class.
According to the “SIXTH CONTINUATION, AND MODIFICATION, OF STATEWIDE PUBLIC HEALTH ORDER #2:REGARDING GATHERINGS OF MORE THAN FIFTY (50) PEOPLE” of the governor of the State of Wyoming Mark Gordon, in Order section 2, subsection c. “Groups of workers being transported to a location for their jobs” are exempted from the requirements of separation and distancing established by the government under the order. Therefore, were students to simply work one minute or work study for the school before and after each class, they would be exempt from any government mandated requirements pertaining to the Wuhan coronavirus as they would technically, be, in the class, being transported to and from places of work. They would just need to ensure of course, that they exit our of a door different from the one they entered through to be sure it looks like they were being transported “somewhere”. How this all would work exactly and what the work would entail is still a little indeterminate, but IIT adviser and founding board member Ryan A. thinks it’s a great idea so we’re going to run with it as a “good idea”.
- Sell Horses and Sheep in the Hallways
Similar to before, this uses a loophole of section b of the aforementioned document which allows “cattle auctions” without restrictions. So why don’t we just sell cattle and sheep in the hallways and carry out our seminar discussions in the middle of a whole bunch of bartering? It’s messy, someone might object, but when has that stopped the school from doing silly things of that sort.
- WCC Becomes an AA Affiliate
Yeah, if WCC, instead of being a college, were instead an Alcoholics Anonymous provider or something like that, we wouldn’t have to follow very many rules. Not sure who we would counsel or how we could play off “counseling sessions” to appear as classes, but it might be something to consider trying out for a while, in name alone. Just pretend the school is one absolutely massive counseling center.
- Washut Adopts Everyone
Totally serious. Suppose the school dean Professor Washut simply adopts every student. In that case, the school would be as many already think it is, one big happy family, and as one big happy family, could do whatever they want. We’re not sure if all the parents would be happy with this, but if would really cement our community life if we were all, in reality and legal terms, one big happy family. One potential downside, however, is that this might make dating a little awkward.
- Ruth Adopts Everyone
I mean Ruthie’s family was a topic of discussion at the school last here. We might as well make it a real thing.
- Buy Grocery Store
Grocery stores were pretty much allowed to do whatever they wanted the last few months. So why couldn’t the school have bought a grocery store, or just any big box store for that matter. Maybe Shopko. It closed. And when a business in town closes, the school buys it up. So even if we haven’t done it yet, we should now. Buy a big box store, maybe open it up to the public, but that part isn’t the important half. Just buy it and run classes inside it
If you have any more ideas like this or have found any other ingenious loopholes in the state coronavirus related orders, which we have posted below for your convenience, please write to us at firstname.lastname@example.org