Well… it’s that of the time of the year again in Lander, Wyoming, Wyoming Catholic College’s summer program, PEAK, a Powerful Experience of Adventure and Knowledge… but only, that is, for the participants.
For everyone else at the school or in Lander who has to experience their arrival, it’s quite a different story. Imagine an attack of space aliens with a full Spanish, or err make that Plutonian Armada of ships bearing down on you. Imagine standing in the middle of an aisle in the middle of a crowded store on Black Friday, with thousands of people all pushing, shoving, kicking and screaming to get that i-Phone 45XYZ++. Imagine…. I think you might get the picture by now. For students who happen to be in town, the coming of all the young little PEAKlets (what those who go to PEAK are called), adorable as some may say they are, is nothing but a frightening invasion.
Walk into Crux Coffee and find dozens of them trying to understand the menu…, and failing. You’ll be lucky if you have to wait less than an hour to even get your order in. Same thing with Dolce. And school buildings while PEAKlets are around… Actually, you’re not even supposed to be in them. Which is kind of weird, since you’re the students and they’re the PEAKlet, someone who statistically has a lower chance of actually coming to WCC then any random
And yet the school gives them the run of the place. Supervised, sort-of, but on a super long leash this is the only the beginning of the depths of psychological fear and terror the presence of these younguns introdcues to the school community.
Luckily they’re only here for a grand total of four weeks, but with these feeling by general public opinion among summer student residents in Lander as the longest they’ve ever had, you need to form a survival plan.
Here’s five ways you could try:
- Blend in
One of the most frightening parts of PEAKlets being around is them possibly talking to you and you having to give long explanations of how things work around WCC. The simplest way to avoid this, however, is simple. Act dumb. Play dumb. Play, well, dead. Pretend you’re one of them, young and immature, maybe you once were a PEAKlet yourself. I was. Just be a little vivacious, talk loudly and excitedly, but not so much as to inrdinately attract attention, and perhaps you’ll be left alone.
- Plan ahead and prepare
An even better idea, however, if you have the time to prepare in advance is to simply plan ahead and prepare. In this case, it simply means plan yourself a way to avoid PEAKlets at all costs. This could entail going on a long backpacking trip for the four weeks in which PEAK programs run, becoming a hermit, herding on the ranch for Mr. Clement, hijacking a plane to Cuba, hopping a train to Uganda, or joining NASA’s Mars program. The main principle to follow here is to ensure you’re maintaining at least six miles of social distancing from every PEAKlet.
- Invest in Rapid Transportation for Escape
If you’re unable to plan ahead and prepare, because you somehow forgot that this attack was impending, you will need to start finding yourself some way someway to quickly remove yourself from any PEAKlet you may encounter. This could take the form of investing in longboards and stashing them in key locations across the school campus and all of Lander to ensure you have the means for a quick getaway. If longboards aren’t in style anymore, make sure you have a segway stashed somewhere as well. Recent studies show these will be the new trend for the coming year.
- PEAKlet Spray
Should you find yourself unable to remove yourself from the PEAKlet, you will alternately have to determine a way to remove the PEAKlet from you. You’ve heard of bug spray, bearspray, etc. We don’t recommend using these. Instead, mix up your own sparkling can of PEAKlet spray by following this incredible recipe submitted to us by David.
Mix equal proportions of:
- Spraypaint (green preferably)
To use, simply pour the mixture all over yourself while chanting, yelling, and screaming at the threatening PEAKlet. The PEAKlet will surely be frightened away and leave you alone, hopefully safe enough for a period of time long enough for you to take other measures.,
If all else fails, simply make it absolutely massively clear to the PEAKlet that you will not communicate under any circumstances. How to do it is simple. Use the Latin you’ve learned at WCC to your advantage. Pretend you don’t know English. Just yell, scream, and do a war dance in Latin. If you know any swear words in Latin this is the time to use them. Just make sutre the PEAKlet is either so confused that they leave you alone, or so horrified at your bad latin pronunciations (should they be one of those William or MaryAnnesque types who know Latin) that they also won’t want to be around you.
We hope these bits of advice will help you survive the onslaught of PEAKlets, which began two weeks ago and lasts two long weeks more.
Remember as a WCC student that you can contact WCC Security at any time as well should these simple tips not be 100% successful. We do not guarantee success but we’re pretty sure they’ll work and we’d be happy to get your feedback as to how they worked in your experience.