Lander, WY – Hot on the heels of Wyoming Catholic College Head Librarian Peter Tardiff’s announcement today that “students can check out books over Christmas break” Irkutsk Ice Truckers announced plans to “check out every single book in the WCC library over break.”

Why, you might ask?

They do have a few reasons:

“Break will be boring otherwise.”

“I hear JLP’s coming up.”

“We can build a barricade out of them and use it to observe moose.”

“Insulation for our quinzees on winter trip.”

“Job security for WCC librarians.”

“I can throw them at the freshmen if they chase me.”

“Can’t run down to Baldwin and grab another book as easily if I’m on the other side of the country.”

Or our editor’s personal favorite reason: “for reasons…”

WCC’s library has over 12,000 volumes, which IIT researchers estimate equates to around 700 cubic feet of books, or “about two medium size U-Haul trailers worth” according to their chief scientist Matthew White. Therefore IIT is currently on the lookout for the best deal on renting U-Haul trailers to move them out of the school buildings. “Maybe $30 a day for each would be reasonable,” he suggests. “Please call us up at 307-206-5241 if you want to make a deal,” he requests.

IIT is also looking for volunteers to help it check each book out of the library and then move all the books out of the library and into its rented trailers.

“We’re actually not sure where we’re going to put them after we get them for break,” Matthew adds, “Maybe we’ll just park the trailers out behind Leo’s or something.”

Peter Tardiff is expected to be employed full time not only for all of Christmas break in checking out all the books IIT will be borrowing, but for most of the spring semester as well when they return them, something that has IIT analysts convinced he’ll just be too busy to finish off his senior year and will “just join the Class of ’22 like all the cool people and take the next semester off from school.”

“Maybe that’s actually our real reason for checking all these books out come to think of it,” Matthew muses.