Artists conception of what QuisQuid will look like when WCC has hundreds of thousands of students

Lander, WY – Locally based Wyoming Catholic College announced ambitious growth plans this week at a meeting between student, faculty, and staff members that calls for rapid growth targets in both students and campus size. Currently, WCC has around 177 students and 18 faculty members which is “to put it frankly, absolutely diminutive” the school’s executive vice president Saul H. Ciwoknot commented. “But we’re going to fix that,” he announced, detailing plans at the Friday night meeting for “exponential growth over the next few years on the way to WCC becoming the largest college/university in the world within 10 years.

“Build it and they will come,” Peter McBowan, the school’s Chief Financial Officer added. “Admissions will start advertising everywhere around the world and drop all our requirements, Financial Aid will throw out scholarships like candy, we’ll start renting out every building in town, and we’ll instantly hire every professor we can find around the world. I’m excited! How about you?” he asked.

The student experience at WCC will “change slightly” Joseph Stevisson, a representative for the school’s Student Life Office admitted. “However, as we grow to 6,000 enrolled students by 2024 and 1,000,000 by 2030 we’ll also be controlling first everything in Lander and then everything in the state of Wyoming so we should be able to build exactly the perfect type of experience we want.”

WCC is in advanced discussions to purchase over 80% of Lander by 2024 to provide space for its campus and students at which point a freshman class of over 4,000 students is expected to be enrolled with “new construction and maybe purchasing some things in Riverton expected to provide enough space for growth through 2027, at which point the freshman class will be in excess of 80,000 students and overall enrollment around 100,000. However, “we’re going to be needing to look into a few skyscrapers, perhaps some new build construction out in the mountains, etc. and the like for 2028-2030, Peter McBowan added. “By 2030, WCC students will outnumber other Wyoming residents 2 to 1 and we’ll be using just about every available building in the state already so if we intend to keep on growing, we ‘may’ have to expand beyond the regular state borders a bit,” get admitted. “But we’ll figure out where we grow from there when we get there.”

Scaling up some aspects of the school to hundreds or thousands of times more students than the school currently has presents some challenges. “Not all students will be able to eat in the same dining hall at once,” Stevisson commented. “Having Mrs. Bendleson handle all of the financial paperwork for a million people might be a little impractical too, as might be having 5,000 separate WCCLEs for the freshman expedition or having around 30,000 prefects.”

By 2029 WCC and its officials expect to have “full control of the Wyoming state government as we’ll be the largest employer in the state, make up the majority of the population, and own just about every building in the state, so we might as well just move the capital to my office to make things run more efficiently, Peter McBowan added.

Remaining details of this absolutely massive plan for exponential growth will be determined and announced to students over the coming years.