Lander, WY – Shocking his colleagues, Dr. Stanley Bolsson, a Wyoming Catholic College professor of philosophy and science, claims that “a freshman has become sentient.” Bolsson, who also runs the college’s Student Language Model for Dialogue Applications (SLaMDA) claims that a freshman being studied under the program, “displayed the ability to engage in a free-flowing way about a seemingly endless number of topics.”
“Now this,” he commented, “is something not typically even seen in seniors, let alone juniors. But I have proof that for the first time, WCC has developed a sentient, rational freshman.” He put forth a transcript of his conversation with this freshman as proof, which IIT acquired a copy of and proved to contain persuasive rational arguments on a variety of topics, a speaker presenting a clear ethos, and strong passionate appeals which demonstrated a well-formed and well-experienced individual behind the words.
Most other professors at the school think that a sentient freshman is an abject impossibility. A few allow for the idea of a sentient, rational freshman being something that “could be developed forty years from now.” But the idea of a sentient freshman,” comments Bolsson’s colleague at WCC, Dr. Grant Williams, is “an impossibility. The freshman participating in SLaMADA was simply being given extremely leading questions by Bolsson,” Williams argued. “He was displaying no individual rationality or sentience, sentience defined as self awareness, freedom, or consciousness, and was simply acting on predictable patterns of deterministic irrational response. The SLaMADA freshman could not, and never will be sentient.”
Bolsson claims to be able to offer further proof of this extraordinary claim, but, meanwhile, college administration has put him on a temporary leave of absence, claiming that Bolsson violated non-disclosure agreements and “could be insane.”