Cambridge, MA – The “discoverer” of inflation, American theoretical physicist and cosmologist Alan Guth of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) is to blame for the recent forty-year record high inflation rate in the U.S. economy according to the research of scientific experts in cosmology and economics. Guth, who first proposed the concept in 1980, claims innocence, saying that inflation “merely describes the propulsion mechanism that drove the universe into the period of tremendous expansion that we call the Big Bang,” but independent fact-checkers contacted by Irkutsk Ice Truckers have confirmed that Alan Guth bears close ties to Vladimir Putin and the Kremlin that “should make us question his claims of innocence.”
“Inflation in the U.S.,” according to IIT interviewed fact-checker Everett Polinski, “never really happened before Guth came up with the idea and created a mechanism for it back in the 80s, a mechanism he terms a repulsive form of gravity that is an ‘ultimate free lunch’ that it seems Vladimir Putin has power over.”
“Ultimately,” Everett continued, “we hope that Alan Guth is investigated for his connection to the current inflationary problems in the United States. Putin probably made him come up with the idea forty years ago as a way of fighting economic warfare, what we now know as ‘Putin’s price hike’, but for most of the last forty years we neglected to understand this threat, treating inflation as merely some sort of speculative, sciency thing with no impact on our lives. But today, the science reminds us that science matters, and its time to look at changing the science to figure out how to fight inflation.”
Some critics of this connection argue that a medieval concept known as equivocation may suggest a flaw in our analysis of this connection between cosmological inflation and economic inflation, but these critics are obviously Russian disinformation. Another independent (and anonymous!) fact-checker confirmed for this report that cosmological inflation is necessarily the same thing as economic inflation, allowing us to draw out the connection perfectly and definitively, proving therefore that Alan Guth “created” inflation.
Another independent expert, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the Chief Medical Advisor to the President of United States and the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases has also proposed a related measure for fighting inflation, vaccinating the U.S. economy. More on that later.