Lander, WY – The Wyoming Catholic College Student Life Office was excited to announce today that they will be expanding the school’s intramural sports program with a new competitive sport, Competitive Confession Line Jumping.
“It’s simple but fun,” said the school’s assistant director of student life Mik Zafgorski, “just enter the chapel and do anything you can to jump ahead of other people in line for confession. Wrestling, pole jumping, whatever, it’s all allowed. But watch out, the clock is ticking, you’ve got to get to the front quickly before the confession time is over. And your competitors are quick on your heels.”
Zafgorski expects that calling this practice an “intramural” will fix people’s relationships with the Sacrament. “People already treat the confession line as a competitive competition with competitive characteristics. And that’s bad, because people in line for Confession should not be fighting with their neighbors on their way to a Sacrament. But, instead, if they’re participating in a college-sanctioned intramural that builds up the community as a whole by making the line into a competition, then it’s a good thing.”
“So,” he added, “that’s what we’re doing here at the Office of Student Life, fixing human nature and ending sin, one fallible human system at a time.”
Reports are in from several participants that the first day of Competitive Confession Line Jumping intramurals have actually decreased the number of people who made it to confession each day at WCC, as those who do make it to confession are forced to be in longer “due to the increased number of acts of uncharity in which they participated while in line.”