Mar-A-Lago, Florida – President-elect Donald Trump has changed his mind and decided to include Nikki Hayley and Mike Pompeo in his administration as he posted on Truth Social this evening:
“On second thoughts NIKKI will definitely have a place in my administration. SHE and Mike Pompeo will have the IMPORTANT task of leading the U.S. invasion of CANADA. Canada has taken advantage of us too LONG, and STEALS $100 BILLION a year from our economy. But that will CHANGE as I am appointing Nikki Haley and Mike Pompeo as generals and charging them with launching a U.S. invasion of Canada on DAY 1. I’ve chosen Nikki because she’s tough, she’s smart, and she knows how to get things done. She was an incredible ambassador at the United Nations, where she didn’t take any nonsense from anyone, including Canada. She understands trade, she understands security, and most importantly, she understands that America comes first. My Mike will be awesome too, but I don’t have anything really to add about him. Canada will CAVE immediately and soon we will have an even BIGGER United States of America with the great work Nikki and Mike will lead from the frontlines of our sure to be quick special military operation. We WILL LIBERATE Canada doing exactly what Nikki and Mike talk about doing all the time but never have had a chance to do THEMSELVES. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
Trump is reportedly also considering hiring John Bolton and putting him in charge of the aerial portion of the planned invasion of Canada as while as putting Mark Zuckerburg in charge of the maple syrup business once Canada is fully in U.S. hands, expected to be within five hours of the invasion’s beginning.
The Canadian government has not issued a direct response to Trump’s threats, but reportedly many Canadians have apologized quite generally for the trouble the U.S will have to undergo in the invasion and promise to make it as easy as possible for the Americans involved in the operation.
Lockheed Martin executives are reportedly hastily meeting to determine how they can make the invasion take longer and thereby be more profitable for them.