New York City, NY – As we are now less than ten days out from the 2024 presidential election, both Trump and Harris are making their final campaign appeals including, for Trump, lots of podcast appearances, and for Harris, lots of sleeping and drinking.
After promising earlier today “to make the diaconate great again,” in an attempt to appeal to Catholics, Trump made a more pointed ploy for support from traditional Catholics with a promise to “bring back big beautiful altar rails” in a campaign speech today in New York City at Madison Square Garden.
“You’ve ever heard of Bugini, some say Cardinal Bugini, but I like to call him Bugle Bugger? He was the guy who ruined the Mass. And not just the Mass, but Church architecture. We used to have amazing churches with big beautiful altar rails, high altars, tabernacles, you name it, they were grand, giant, and glowing. But look at what we have now. Terrible. Can you believe it? It’s a total disgrace. A total disgrace.
“Elect Trump and we’ll not just make the diaconate great again, clean out the seminaries, and free priests to celebrate the Traditional Latin Mass, but we’ll bring back big beautiful and GOLDEN altar rails.”
In an earlier, unsuccessful run for the Papacy, Trump made a similar set of promises:
They will be gone and the priesthood will be great once again. I will make the priesthood so exclusive. And you know how I’m going to do this? By building a rail. By building a great big beautiful altar rail in every single Catholic Church, that’s how.
(Cheers, applause)
A big beautiful altar rail separating laypeople like you and me from the priests. Of course, I’ll be on the other side of the rail, because I’ll be Pope, but you understand.
(Laughter)
We have to build a rail because we cannot let anyone and everyone into the priesthood and we can’t diminish the priesthood. We want the best and brightest priests and to do that we need to make the priesthood great again. The priesthood isn’t great today. Our priests aren’t respected today. They are laughing stocks. I saw one the other day he was actually riding something during Mass. I had to ask my friend, I said what is he riding? He said, a hover board. I said what the hell is a hover board? Under a Trump Papacy, you ride a hover board during Mass you can keep riding it right out the door because that’s the last time you’re going to be allowed in.
But this time, Trump’s proposal for Catholic Churches, funded by “tariffs on imports of foreign heresy” will include “golden altar rails” in every Church.
“Only the best. Only the best for God. They’ll be shiny, they’ll be golden, they’ll be beautiful,” he added.
“Maybe in a few years, you’ll be saying, Trump, Trump, our Churches are too beautiful. There’s too much gold. It’s too distracting. Give us our bland old boring Churches back.”
Trump has also suggested that he would issue an executive order for Catholics to stop using the reformed Liturgy of the Hours and go back to the “great old Roman breviary.”