UPDATE: New revelations have appeared that Rosie is innocent of many of the prescribed charges. No one showed up for the protests today, so we believe the public has taken hold of the new information and apologize for the incomplete picture we had received of this man. At original press time the charges seemed right but we stand corrected.

Long live King Rosie!

Known as “Rosie” this man according to many runs Frassati Hall with a comical jovial divine spirit, nearly  always to be found within. Legitimately head of the Baking Crew, Rosie can be found interfering in the free and fair work of others at all hours of the day.
Not only does he interfere but as many of our interviewees report, he terrorizes them with his unique personality and style, his pranks, and his teases.

No one is safe from him, but particularly terrified freshmen rockers are fighting back. Determined not to be “rosied”, mass protests against “Rosie’s” power are planned for the weekend as demonstrators plan to show Frassati Hall management they want him replaced.

“He’s a tyrant like all of them,” says Shannon Crawford, a freshmen from Maryland, “Why can’t we have a democratic kitchen?”
Saul Shelton of Colorado agrees, “W.C.C. has put up with oppression for too long. How much longer must we endure the comedic rule of one man. We want justice, which means rule by Andrew, who though comedic, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped at, rather because he was a god, was made perfect in himself.”

Students are particularly angry over the terrorizing frights they often receive when Rose is around. “He jumps out at us, makes us scream, chases us. I feel like I’m in a Sparta or something where all the officers have just gone crazy. But its all because of Rosie,” declares protest coordinator Aretari Polinski.

Continuing this Sparta theme, Minnesota sophomore Tracy Patel says that after knowing the Rose for more than a year, she’s always had a feeling that he wants to make WCC into a Spartan military boot camp or something of that nature. Although not a freshmen rocker herself, she plans to join the freshmen Saturday in a “Day of Menas” on Main St. to protest and hopefully get Rosie removed. “we may not get him out of the school,” she says, “but at least we can a slightly safer enviornment in Frassati so we can at least eat in peace.”

She calls on all WCC students to join with her and the freshmen tomorrow in sharing their grievances, “Come just come, even though after tomorrow some might rightfully say ‘most of them did not know why they had come together’ do it for peace, sorry war and excitement and glory. Be moved by the muses. Let’s have a sacrifice!”

But Rosie supporter Angela Maria said “I always have loved the Rose and nearly everyone does too, with only a few scattered radicals clammering for his ouster.” Thus Rosie can count on some support even in the face of protests, so his removal is far from guranteed.

WCC did not make an official statement on the planned protests but WCC Security head Andrew Matthews said that “We always watch planned student activities and will intervene if necessary if anything gets out of hand. We don’t expect more than a few hundred protesters.”

Know anything more about Rosie or these planned protests? Share your Muses’ inspirations below.