There has been unprecedented increase in inter dorm tensions within Wyoming Catholic College over the past month. Multiple of thefts of dorm cult objects have been reported, a freshmen rocker was kidnapped and sacrificed, angry students are hurling accusations at other dorms for various offenses, and some people have even been thrown out of dorms that are not their own.

And things don’t seem to be slowing down, with several people receiving death threats from opposing dorms and a trio of St. John’s members marching around like a “frontier justice posse” making accusations.

They sit well together in the classroom, but… 

Many experts including IIT associate Quintus Netserayhu believe this to be but the precursors to full on war. “Look at how this all started,” he says. “The sacrifice, a retaliation, an attempt on John Wayne, death threats, I don’t see how we can go anywhere but downhill from here.” Presently the ultimate “nuclear option” of sorts, an actual enduring theft of John Wayne, has not yet occurred, so perhaps the situation does not necessarily have to lead to war, but we are at a level of tension unprecedented for the freshmen rockers or the current school year.

For example, the text of one of three death threats received by a undisclosed suspect who vehemently declares innocence of his accused theft of John’s “Chinese dragons”:

If this be error and upon you proved. You never breathed, nor no Leonian ever lived.

Further, dorm loyalties are suspect for many, leading to the possibility that the breakout of full-on war will come from actions of a traitor or sympathizer to one of the other parties involved. A John’s/Leo’s alliance had been postulated at the outbreak of violence, and apparently the two dorms were involved in an armed balloon attack on Athanasius last week. However, Athanasius has been pushing for an alliance also with Leo’s, one that no one wants or would trust at St. Leo’s in the face of what they call “violent and unprecedented aggression”.But Athanasius has claims also against Leo’s, as with an attempted theft of John Wayne last month by a rogue member of the latter, and there are further rumors of other alliances that could involve even the apartments and the hotel, usually safe from the fray of war.

Those who seem to have tendencies towards the enemy are even now being termed Cyrillizers alike the Medizing of the Persian War. Past critics of this behavior are themselves falling into it as with James reportedly being spotted daily at the hotel among numerous other freshmen attracted to the party spirit that governs its society.

More threats and “one-off” attacks are rumored, and while we do not know when “full-on” war will be declared, can it not be qualifiedly said to have already started?

IIT officially is still neutral in this apparently coming conflict, but is a proud supplier to all sides, providing certified Irkutsk Ice Tanks, Ice Rifles, Irkutsk Metal Grenades and more to the combatants at WCC. To purchase these fine pieces of equipment and more write to sales@irkutskicetruckers.com or visit irkutskicetruckers.com/war