The sleep controversy is on the rise in Lander, WY where WCC student Johannes vonBuelow counters Professor Cyril Patton’s experiments and findings on the matter of sleep with a fiery editorial published in the student newspaper, The Pigeonhole.

A descendent of German nobility, Johannes claims unlike Patton that sleep is actually beneficial and necessary for most people. “It works for me and I can’t imagine not sleeping.” he said in an un-social interview, conducted via letters with IIT associates. “If I sleep I don’t have to talk to people or eat Frassati food” he said.

See here for example that nice smile, enlivened attitude and sociable nature, and its all because of sleep. Its simple, Johannes argues to learn how to sleep, and for this end is offering a self-guided practicum  at WCC during regularly scheduled class sections. 
Simply show up tired and fall asleep, no homework, no trouble, he maintains. Classes begin Friday with a 35 page pamphlet of optional suggestions for how to sleep well available on request.
Write to to learn more.
Irkutsk Ice Truckers has newfound confidence in these proposals and has changed its guidelines to allow for sleep. However, for those who choose to do so, skipping all sleep has health benefits as well, so we do not totally disregard that option, but suggest that our loyal customers try both for awhile each and come to their own perfect conclusions.
Past students have had great success such as “knows about the inside of his eyeballs James” and “a-dozin hard-core Thomas” with Johannes’ ideas but again Professor Patton’s research has merit.
So what is it for y’all folks (vigiliasne aut dormite iaceteque?)
(Disclosure: Specific quotations were made up from apprehension of Johannes’ nature to expand plot)