Well, they’re here! WCC officially has new Freshmen Rockers, fifty-four of them in fact. This is four students less than our insider sources had been telling us it would have, something we’re still trying to understand, though our analysts believe there could be several simple reasons to explain this. For one, maybe we counted wrong, as that does happen. Or maybe math hust doesn’t work above the number “fifty”. Who really counts things larger than about ten all at once, anyway. Or maybe some of the students have split personalities, so there are fifty-four physical bodies joining in the class but fifty-eight personages. Or it’s something like that.
However many there are in the enumeration of the reasoned fact, we know that there is a severe imbalance in their gender ratio. Again, because we don’t know the exact number of students, we can’t tell exactly what this “capability of exceeding one another” with reference to magnitudes (which in this case refers to people) is, but it suffices to say that women far outnumber men in the Class of 2023. It’ll make dating, interesting to say the least, and likely require that there be a lot of the controversial “inter-class dating” to take care of the excess, but we’re sure it’ll work out.
One reason why we’re confident is the amazing parallelism with which the Class of 2023 appears to be following already in the heavy metal footprints of the Class of 2022. They rejected being like the Class of 2021 when Banjo Guy (Banjoe Joe) went elsewhere and although they have a Milligan in their ranks, something the Class of 2022 lacks, they are known already to parallel many of the prominent personages of the sophomore class. They have a “new John” who was injured before COR and unable to take it, a “new Tim” as in someone who had to attend a wedding and so missed COR, and they have a “new Sophie” as in someone who embarked on COR but was later evacuated.
We’re still trying to figure out their true essence with reference to the five possible metallic natures in the formality of attitude and personality, but we’ve been pleased so far, to see that the metal remains at least among them. Although the Class of 2022’s heavy metal loving WCCLE 6 is not paralleled by an equal WCCLE 6 this year, as there are in fact only five WCCLEs this time, the rockers seem to have been apportioned in equal ratio between the others, neither diminishing nor diluting their metallic nature. This can be apprehended in universals without the details that constitute particulars and leads to a 97.2% match for the Class of 2022 on our data collected so far.
Adding to to this apprehension, we were pleased to learn today that one prominent member of the Class of 2023 will be sharing full personality metrics with our online dating platform MetalMatch as we aim to full calibrate it to their particular dating needs.
And one more thing we’re excited about with the Class of 2023 is their record just set by an “Anthony L.” for the latest committal ever, only two days before the beginning of COR. This beats the previous record set by Ceily two years ago, and while we in the Class of 2022 wish we held the record, we’re proud anyway to see yet another confirmation that there are people out there, on the edge, living the metalhead life and philosophy.
Congratulations to Anthony for coming when you did and here’s to a successful semester and our learning everything possible about your class.
Welcome to WCC!