PLEASE NOTE: This is old news but the basic underlying philosophy of the situation remains quite nearly unchanging. The number and exact nature of items lost have changed most definitely since the time this was written. but there are still things to be found, apprehended, and taken away.

In the presence of so many lost Nalgenes (including one of my own), with the terror of dehydration bearing down its un-humid curse upon the lips, throats, and souls of so many, I bring a few apprehensions of hope.

The Nalgene, bum ba da bu bum…

Many have simply been found and stored in the hope of a return to the owners who possess such as is stated before to be compounds of prime matter with the substantial form of the elements combined by historical artisans and machinery into the “artifacts” of which “Nalgene” is “said of”. In the accident of quantity, they are fourteen units in number…

And the same is true for many other items, with or without a substantial form – pocket knives, ELP binders, a Gospel of John scroll, electrical cords, even, I believe, air molecules which may belong in some metaphorical sense to the many of you who hold the distinction being the last to breathe them, or that is elevate their nature in the process or sustaining your life.

I fear that not everything which has been lost, reported lost, believed lost, or feared lost has been found, but with the amount of compound secondary substances I have found sharing similar accidents of place in relation to a conceptual place we call the “Lost and Found”, there remains a good chance that what you want is there.

It may be hard to reach (one tip, don’t try to reach it from walking on the ceiling, and the top of the safe is hard to get to).

It may be fearful, walking as you must through the haunted corridors of Baldwin’s ancient history.

It may mean prudence in discerning which of so many substances is that specific one that has an accident of relation (artificially) with respect to you.

It may mean fighting off the growing socialist trends on campus that might threaten to make even you consider giving in to the temptation of “everything as common.

But to succeed will restore order to your personal cosmic order, the external appeal of Baldwin’s interior accidents, and the order of nature.

Simply imagine the potential terror of your lost items declaring themselves never to be “owned” again and throwing themselves into the pit of despair and self-destruction by allowing themselves to be as we say in common parlance: thrown away, or of the even worse possibility of them being handed over (tradiuntur?) to the Methodists across the street and you having to pay to get such items back…

In the face of such an opposing danger, instead, I believe the hope of a return to unity with what you have lost will overcome the dangers and terror,

Frassati has four loose water bottles in it from the briefest of glances this morning while I’ve counted at least ten Nalgenes in the Baldwin Lost & Found. I’m sure the other buildings/dorms have similar stockpiles of such things in storage but haven’t checked.

Nice knife there too, I know several people are eyeing it.

Thanks for reading a P.S.A. (public service announcement) sponsored by IIT!