Lander, WY – The recently elected administration of Cowboys for Life is facing legal challenges as several voters recorded extreme fraud, disorder, and other irregularities in Friday’s election which saw WCC Junior Anthony Jones win a second term as president of the club.
“Not only did he presume reelection while running the election meeting, tell everyone who to vote for, produce the ballots, and manipulate the meeting to give his preferred candidates ample time to show off, but he threatened his own roommate with withholding one free jelly bean from him when he attempted to run against him,” comments Sally Rose, a WCC Junior from Michigan and a long-time member of Cowboys for Life.
Anthony, whom many regard as a solid future candidate for presidency of the United States, is, Sally complains, a “man with a tyrannical soul” set to “volunteer and do things beyond what anyone else is willing to do”.
Other irregularities were reported with the election as a whole including low turnout, delays, confusing ballot instructions, and a lack of requirement for photo-IDs before voting, something which “could have allowed thousands of foreigners to vote, or maybe even vote multiple times” Sophia Donaldson, a WCC junior, reports. “And we’re hearing now rumors that Anthony himself counted the ballots!” she continued.
No official complaints have been lodged over these reports, but a recent Lander Times editorial on the situation calls for further investigation, something Sally fully agrees with: “We don’t know. Maybe there was Russian interference. Maybe there was bribery of officials, interference with the lives of opposing candidates. How come he ran unopposed? We should look into that too.”
Anthony dismisses these reports and rumors, touting his 84% job approval rating in a recent interview with IIT where he said “I’d have been happy to have had greater openness with the voting process but I did things the proper way I did for the sake of ‘Efficiency & Effectiveness’. Nothing wrong. Nothing to see. No regrets.”
NOTE: Everyone is happy with Anthony Jones, and there is no reason to take any of these reported incidents as anything other than the jokes they were. We at IIT hope Anthony Jones eventually runs for president. Here’s an early concept campaign poster.