Washington, DC – American superspy Ben “the” Bridge was outed today as declassified documents released to the press show the 21-year-old Wisconsinite to be as the top U.S. intelligence source on China and Russia over the past decade. Retiring early from an organization “far more secretive than even the NSA” Ben was in charge of hundreds of agents in a “covert operation that I can’t talk about” as he told reporters, but through released some vague details on his decade of work “that won’t compromise current agents and national security workings.”

An avid outdoorsmen, Ben was successfully able to use his hobby of climbing through summers in Nepal where he used the twenty-five thousand foot vantage point of many of the region’s mountains to repeatedly get quite good imagery on Chinese military bases being built in the Himalayas among other intelligence gathering that might never be revealed. But as the scope of Chinese operations and ambitions around the world stretches much farther than Asia alone, Ben successfully posed as a student at Lander, WY’s Wyoming Catholic College (WCC) for three years to investigate a major hotbed of Russian and Chinese (and from other IIT sources many other nations as well) spy activity.

Many have wondered in the wake of this “very public” coming forth  about his past intelligence work as to why he would make such a revelation and possibly endanger the work he’s built up, but IIT’s own intelligence sources say it’s likely that he’s coming out only to build credibility as a witness. “The president said he had heard of Ben’s coming forth today, but gave no hint of charges” IIT’s White House correspondent Clare Mistaleski said today. “So we must assume this is just the beginning of some sort of larger operation which requires our sources come out into the open” she continued. “International espionage is a dangerous game, and Ben’s too intelligent and patriotic to simply slip up and leak classified information or endanger sources and methods of our intelligence operatives,” a close friend of Ben’s confided to IIT today. Though announcing these basic details, Ben himself gave  no notice on anything further to come, and when pressed by one reporter from CNN at his Washington DC press conference today to this question of why, Ben vaguely said “Quia Quoniam Quod” which most news outlets have taken to be foriegn proverb but is well known to IIT and WCC students to be an internal school phrase popular in the Latin class and simply meaning “Because”.

Two photos were released without explanation but pertaining supposedly to his spy work, as shown here:

Several students at WCC had seen partially through Ben’s cover as he wore a “Nepal Peak Promotion” jacket nearly continuously around them. “It seemed a little odd and we definitely placed him on our list of suspected spies” said one junior at the school, wishing to remain anonymous, “but I never knew what it meant unto today when I realized that Nepal Peak Promotion was the front company for Ben’s agents working in Nepal” the student continued. Beyond this and some similar vague feelings, all interestingly connected to his jacket, little was really known of what Ben was achieving at WCC and no one knew anything about him climbing in Nepal, let alone this being a cover for spy operations.

Although Ben’s positioning as a student at Wyoming Catholic College appears to have been mainly a front to investigate reports that foreign operatives had penetrated the school’s administration he seems unafraid of any danger of remaining at the school and plans to continue as a student.