I know that many of you have false impressions of “what goes on upstairs.” Images of richly dressed professors and dazzling secretaries pass through your minds. Illuminati that have little knowledge or understanding of the lives breathing, and loving, and crawling about beneath their feet. I know you think that the “upstairs gods” do not care for the students, but you are wrong.
During my time as a prefect at Wyoming Catholic College, I was given a few glimpses of the many small but important sacrifices that the administration suffered for the sake of their beloved students. I particularly remember one winter’s morning, yesterday I think, when the student life director, affectionately known as “the SLD,” called an emergency prefect meeting. You will probably imagine that I was disgusted at the prospect of dragging myself from my bed at an ungodly hour to listen to the ranting and raving of an intelligent but well meaning SLD. In reality, being a morning person who was accustomed to waking up early in the morning I was disgusted at the prospect of dragging myself from my bed at an ungodly hour to listen to the ranting and raving of an intelligent but well meaning SLD.
Fortunately, I had the consolation of being able to appear at the meeting only half dressed. This is a definite advantage to Zoom once one figures out which half to dress. Slum Bummer couldn’t figure it out for at least a week. Poor Slum, he was a case. The unfortunate thing was that he had shaved his chest hair. I’d never even heard of that before. It’s been rumored that he never had any to begin with. But really, who believes that? Poor kid.
The meeting opened without the usual difficulties. Instead it presented some unusual ones. But having sorted out the technical abbreviations, appellations, curses, and Chinese hackers, we began our meeting. To our surprise, the SLD presented a brilliant plan to transform Frassati into a decent living space. Her model was based on a cafeteria plan the SLD saw when she was visiting Nebraska last week:
“It’s quite simple,” the DSL said, “all we have to do is put swill buckets in one corner and a large mudhole in the other! A few muddy looking streaks across the walls! Tear off half the ceiling! Then a couple of days with a couple dozen piglets running loose inside and we’ll have the desired effect!” “It’s absolutely brilliant!” the LDS responded to herself.
“But Ms. Hillary,” Joe White timidly interjected, “that’s exactly hwawhaat Frassati looks like cucurrent…” Unfortunately, his words of wisdom were cut short by a internet glitch. No doubt he was expressing his approval of the plan. It was unanimously agreed among the remaining prefects that the style denoted “pigstyle” was a vast improvement to the current cafeteria plan. The remodel will be implemented over the summer with the slight modification of using Peaklets instead of piglets. As Slum said, they’re basically the same thing anyway.