By our commentator the Average Muslim Liturgist

Note: The names of these three people have been redacted from this to protect their and Tim’s ethos

Obj 1: The three persons in question for Tim live in diverse locations amidst the country. Were Tim to truly date all three of them at once, it seems he would need to trilocate. While there are known instances of saints bilocating, no saint has ever been known to trilocate Therefore, it is now impossible for Tim to date all three of his prospects at once. And what is impossible is not good as it has no being, so Tim should not date three people at once.

Obj 2: It would be unfitting for Tim to marry as Dr. Olsson and his wife claim to be “responsible for every successful marriage at WCC”. Dr. Olsson has not given the approval of his will to any marriage involving Tim with any of the three specific persons 

Obj 3: Again, Tim is suspected of being a member of the Italian Mafia, or what he calls, “THE Family” Should this be proven to be the case, and Tim went ahead and dated several people at once, he might be seen as doing so for the political advantage, which as Thomas Aquinas argues, is the second-lowest reason for pursuing marriage, and that for which dating is the precursor. Thus it is unfitting for Tim to date multiple people at once.

Obj 4: Dating is for an end, that of marriage just as potency is for an end, that of its corresponding act. Now marriage according to the Catholic Church is meant to be monogamous. Therefore Tim, if dating multiple people, would seemingly be directed either for a violation of church teaching if he wished to go about actually marrying them or he would be pursuing an activity with no final end. Both of these would be contrary to the path to perfection of human nature, so therefore Tim should not date three people at once.

On the contrary, Wyoming Catholic College has declared Tim to be a highly “eligible driver” and he is who highly eligible should be “dating, and dating often and in multiplicity so as to share his gift with others” as Dr. Stanley Bolson has said.

I answer that, not only should Tim be dating multiple people, but every student at Wyoming Catholic college should be as well and this can be proved by Tim’s having led a climbing trip to Utah, man’s goal of leading others to holiness, and perfection in the order of creatures.

For Timothy led a climbing trip to St. George, Utah last fall. Since Utah is Mormon and Tim thus spent much time there, it would be understandable, proper and fitting for Tim to follow Mormon decorum and laws to a certain extent, even after he has left the said state, as locations in space are merely accidental to law, which is more truly to be considered as universal and essential. Since in such laws and decorums, there is a possibility of dating in senses other than the singular, it should thus be likewise considered as a right and fitting possibility for Tim to date more than one person, and therefore three people.

Furthermore, man’s final end is God himself and man can find greater perfection in this end by leading others, besides himself, to that same final end, or as we would more simply say, to holiness. This sort of leading, a form of procession originating within one and tending towards the good of another is best fulfilled in dating and marriage. Leading one person to holiness is a possibility if one dates or marries one person, but inasmuch as one dates more than one person, the potential for one to instill greater holiness in this leading is increased in proportion.

Likewise, just as what is lacking in one creature is fulfilled in the order of creatures as whole so what is lacking in dating one person is fulfilled in dating a multiple of persons so dating three people is far better in perfection than dating one person alone and is similarly higher in dignity.

Reply to Obj. 1: While it may be impossible for Tim to trilocate, as in to, as himself, possess simultaneously three contradictory accidents of place, it is not impossible for each of the three people he is dating to bilocate and produce a similar effect. For each of them, even though now they be in diverse locations about the country, could each bilocate so as to be both in their particular home location as well as in Illinois with Tim. Hence, Tim remaining stationary and the others coming to him, it is possible for Tim to be present to and to date three women at once.

Reply to Obj. 2: Although Dr. Olsson has not given written consent to Tim dating three people at once, he has taught the sophomores how to double a given cube. This geometrical construction involves the placement of two quantities, one of which is double of the other to be to each other as in the triplicate ratio of another quantity. Because in marriage, the “two shall become one” (Eph 5:31) we can substitute a man and a woman in for the numbers one and two in this triplicate ratio whereby we end up with four terms related as A:B::B:C::C:D. Here A is the man and D is the said woman. However, since there are four terms here, A and three others, to each of which Timothy (A) has a certain relationship we have established Tim with three relationships at once by the process of doubling the cube. We know that this proof is referring to this situation and not to any other as merely a straight edge and compass is not enough to fit such relationships in between one and its double. More than geometrical tools are required, which implies recompense to a science higher than the mathematical, and rather to the science of human relationships. Thus as Dr. Olsson here proved to the sophomores, including to Tim, that such relationships are possible, he gave a mathematical condescension that Tim should be triple dating, only heightened by his “do it” comment to Tim directly with reference to this proof. Thus Not only is it possible, but Tim has Dr. Olsson’s implied permission through reference to an image to date in triality.

Reply to Obj. 3: While it would be unfitting for Tim to date three people at once for political advantage alone, it is not unfitting if it is in conjunction with higher reasons. Since he has higher reasons, these being leading three

Reply to Obj 4: A person can perform actions in and according to differing respects. If Tim dates three women qua Mormon, as he can since he led a climbing trip to Utah, instead of as, in, or by his other personas, qua Italian, qua Byzantine or qua Roman Catholic, it is not out of order, without end, or wrongful for Tim to date thus, but rather is in accordance with the natural end of such a person for Tim to date in threes