USA – A new study by the Center for Political Upheaval has determined that laws unfairly target criminals as the groups president Marty McForth said in a statement this week. “We kind of knew it all along, but after five years of intense work, millions of dollars of grant money, and interviews with thousands of criminals, we’ve finally grasped the full scale of prejudice and discrimination in every legal system against criminals.”

Criminals, according to the Center, just going about their business in mostly peaceful manners are punished, tried, fined, and imprisoned, or worse, just for being who they are. As one anonymous prisoner, imprisoned for robbing a bank and interviewed by the center said, “I indentify as a Bank Robber, that’s who I am, and they don’t care. It’s injustice, its criminalism, it’s in fact criminal what they’re doing to us.”

Since laws target and unjustly punish people who simply choose to ignore arbitrary statements called “laws” and rather simply go about whatever their own particular form of self-expression dictates, the Center for Political Upheaval suggests they are simply artisans and creators, making our whole system of discriminating against certain of these, those we “call” criminals, far worse.

“We need to end calling things crimes now. We need to end this vile bigotry of criminalism. We need to set up new laws that protect the marginalized criminal community,” says Marty. “From thousands of hardworking street thugs, to drug dealers, to creative and artistic bank robbers, to the upper eschcelons of white collar criminals, this absolutely massive community has faced severe and unjust oppression in every society, in every nation, since the beginning of time. It’s only fair, it’s only just, to put and end to this hatred and oppression if we ever hope to have peace.”

One nation attempted to implement the Center for Political Upheavel’s proposal on Thursday, doing away with all punishments and and any idea of a criminal, but that nation no longer exists, something which Marty says is a big positive as its much nicer to live “under artistic drug lords and smart intelligent young hackers than the relics of institutions of oppression.”

Marty went missing later today, however, and the contents of his home have also been reportedly looted and stolen with him, or as he would have said, “creatively moved”.