Lander, WY – A band of wild moose apparently launched a raid on the Wyoming Catholic College dormitories this week according to several local news sources in Lander as well as college administration officials. “They jumped up the porches, beat down the doors, and then ate all kinds of food that was left inside of them by accident,” said WCC head of Student Life Mary Detsegah. “I thought all the dorms were cleared out, guess we were wrong,” she added. “I just don’t understand how the moose knew there was so much food to be found inside.”
“Several hundred” moose were reportedly involved in the “raid” according to local eyewitnesses IIT has managed to contact as well as our investigation of security camera recordings that we’ve managed to access. “Moose have never behaved like that before,” IIT moose expert Alfred Pozno comments on the news. “I’ve watched, studied, and tracked hundreds in my life, but never, never have they travelled in groups of more than a dozen. Furthermore, while moose are highly intelligent, today’s apparently ‘fully coordinated’ attack, shows a level of superintelligence bordering on human rationality. Something’s fishy,” he concluded, shaking his head.
Moose apparently consumed a total of at least two tons of food during ther raid in which they gained access to all sx of the upper dorms next to Holy Rosary Parish. No one was hurt during the attack, which faded away as police, called by local neghbors of the college, arrived, but “none of the moose were apprehended as they all snuck out of the back doors of the dorms and quickly ascended Cemetery Hill,” Captain Remlah of the Lander Police Department reported. “I’ve never seem moose acting so strangely,” he told IIT. “But the weirdest thing to me is why there was so much food to steal up at your dorms,” he added. “All the students left weeks ago and they never ate in their dorms anyway. So why was there pretty much bushels of food lying around everywhere inside of all of them in order to leave so much remaining even after the moose all had their fill?”
Alfred Pozno thinks these moose attackers could be “part of a long-rumored but hitherto unknown species of supermoose with higher intelligence and enhanced strength. I always put little credibility into those theories, but I may have to investigate them a bit more strongly after today. Maybe those conspiracy theorists, as I used to like to call them, were right this time?” he mused.