Recent complaints from the current sophomores here at WCC have turned from the ‘Slump that Never Happened’ to the general ‘good-trend’ of Latin grades. “We should have all failed . . . It’s impossible, this grade!” sobbed a group-chat. They were convinced that, as Mitchel poetically put it, “their professor had dumped all standards of education and let everyone slide disgracefully into the new year where they would reap the fruit of their meager labor. And starve.”

To the relief of all concerned, recent investigations into the college’s internet usage have shown that Dr. Bolsson never touched the online finals – they were graded by Google Translate. Most passed with average grades.

When asked to explain this bold (but effective) move, Bolsson stated that “Tests for Corona are the national standard of health and self-worth, I thought it was time to get with the trend. We use COVID tests to evaluate a student’s health, figured I’d use something with the same overall accuracy to grade their finals. Turned out better than any grade-curve I’d have been willing to give.”

The dean has yet to say anything – some suspect this is because he used a bot on to grade the juniors’ Theology finals.