Student Emails Inflicted with the Dreaded “ASE”

With the fall semester finishing a whole three weeks early, and with a long, dark winter break ahead of them, the students at WCC were at first content with a month-and-a-half long break; but not for long. Finals wrapped up all too quickly, and soon the students were returning to their respective homes. The Seniors trickled sadly out of the state of Louisiana, regretfully leaving behind the memories of party after party. And the freshmen, well they didn’t have to go anywhere because they were already at their respective homes. They believe that the only place for them to infest is the Pequod, for without it, they are as lost as a high-schooler visiting a university, for that is indeed what they are.

However, there was Christmas, and that brought hope to many of the souls who were beginning to feel desperate for the need to study again. There were big family dinners, and joyful gatherings of mask-wearing relatives, and there was singing in mass finally. Through it all, love and hope was shared to many, and all seemed to be at peace for once; but with all things in this world, this was not to last. Many students started noticing it when they checked their emails to see if their grades were up yet. Hoping for a clean inbox, instead they found that their emails were starting to show symptoms of the dreaded “ASE.” (All School Email-WCC) Such an infection strikes the school only on occasion, but when it does, woe to he of the fainthearted. At first the students ignored it, hoping that it was just a contamination that would soon pass without spreading. However, this was not to be. Someone hit the “reply all” tab, and the infection spread like wildfire. (Whether this person hit it intentionally or unintentionally is still under investigation by the WCC Security Team.) Day after day students would dread checking their emails for fear of what they would find. Sometimes there was a day were the ASE would be absent, and seem like it was gone, but this is how it runs. Like any other infection, it tricks its host into thinking that has recovered, only to strike again with heavier force. “Its as if all my classmates have switched majors to junk mail production.” A student commented, wishing to remain anonymous out of fear of being targeted.

“Its as if all my classmates have switched majors to junk mail production.” A student commented, wishing to remain anonymous out of fear of being targeted.

This virus, although harmful and dangerous, can be avoided. It must be nipped in the bud, and this can be done in various ways. One way is through using google hangouts, or some other private messager of that sort. If one feels like he/she must use the email, then it should be done privately, and only to those of his/her friends whom she deems might be interested in spam mail. If there is a need to respond with “Thank you” or “I love you” or “Praying for your soul, may it rot in purgatory for sending such an email,” then such responses should always be done privately. Of course, another prevention is simply to do it the normal way, which is to talk to another person face to face, the way God intended it. If none of these preventions can be followed, then the only solution to the infection is to block the most frequent offender from your inbox. This will slow the spread significantly, but only on your computer.

Of course, the ASE is very closely related to, and often confused with, OASE. (Official All School Emails-WCC) The only difference is that OASE is always important and normally relates to the curriculum or campus notices, while ASE is always trivial and related to someone’s personal views. In order for students not to cry wolf every time they see an email, is for the ASE to be completely kept under control, otherwise OASE will soon become ignored and unopened. This is a very dangerous probability, and has be known to happen in the past.

Naturally, ASE is not a bad thing at its root, and can be used for much good; however it only becomes an infection when it is abused and used without proper instruction. IIT is currently developing a course in prevention of the virus, with classes focused on the proper instruction of how to use the “reply all” button. Further details will be revealed at a later date.

Remember, only you can prevent All School Emails.