Tampa, FL – It’s Super Bowl Sunday in sunny Southwest Florida, but the big game is going to be a lot different today than most were predicting. Due to several thousand mail-in game scores from the NFL playoffs having been submitted late and only arriving this morning, it turned out that the Kansas City Chiefs actually did not make it to the Super Bowl. Rather, as was just publicly announced a few minutes ago, the Wyoming Catholic College dorm of St. Athanasius surprisingly won the NFL playoffs and is sending its team instead to play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers this afternoon in Super Bowl LV.
Members of the dormitory were just about as surprised as anybody at their getting to participate in the big game, with St. Athanasius prefect John Henry Gleason calling it “a surprise and a half, and maybe even one that’s half unwelcome” (he and other seniors at the school are also scheduled to give their Senior Orations this week) but sports commentators believe the last-minute switch will lead to one of the most interesting games in football history. “Athanasisus members are big, tough, full of energy, and terrific at wrestling, yelling and causing a general ruckus,” says ESPN commentator Bernard “Bamboo” Hitchens. “We certainly do expect it to be a tight and drawn out game.”
St. Athanasius Dorm’s members themselves only learned about the switch this morning and headed out to Tampa a few hours ago accompanied by various members of Wyoming Catholic College’s administration who received special permission to attend the game in person. Due as well to the switch St. Athanasius member Christopher Carter will now be heading the game’s halftime show in what’s billed as a “juggling performance to end all juggling performances” while most of the ads on TV broadcasting of the game will now be advertising WCC”s coffee shop Crux Coffee as well as the school itself.
Win or lose for the school’s St. Athanasius dorm team this afternoon, WCC officials hope that this experience will aid them in securing Lander (and school buildings) as the host city for 2023’s Super Bowl LVII.