San Jose, CA – In response to Wyoming Catholic College’s ban on student’s possessing cell-phones, defined, that is, as wirelessly connected communication devices small enough to fit into one’s pocket, tech company Apple announced a “WCC-compliant iPhone today. According to Apple’s CEO Tim Cook, the new iPhoneW is “just too large to fit in your pocket, making it totally compliant and legal to carry at WCC.”
The exact dimensions, specs, and all new features of the new cell-phone have not yet been released by the tech giant, but Apple promises “a phone built for the WCC lifestyle with built-in Euclidean Geometry, Latin translation, wayfinding, and ‘all-school-email’ apps and features” according to John Johnson, their head engineer for product development. “We hope to sell hundreds of them to WCC students who’ve been waiting for years to finally, legally, carry a cell-phone at the school and we also think they’ll be a big hit with professors there too.”
WCC officials have not yet commented on this incredibly obvious attempt to circumvent the school’s technology policy through the loophole of the phone’s size although according to IIT commentator Sophia Donaldson, a senior at the liberal arts college, “they probably just won’t care as they allow so many other exceptions to their so-called ‘cell-phone ban’ already.”