Washington D.C. – Every smart expert the world over reported this week that the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision last week in Dobbs v. Jackson to overturn Roe v. Wade is responsible for the high gasolene prices present in the United States and around the world. According to Dr. Ima Expert of the National University of America’s McConnell Center for Liberal World Studies, “the sole cause of high prices is the Supreme Court, obviously, no buts about it.”
Last week experts reported that the sole cause of high gas prices was Vladmir Putin and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, but, according to Dr. Expert, “the science has changed.”
“Science changes quite often. But don’t worry about it, we keep up with it for you so you never need to worry about the truth. Just listen to us,” Dr. Expert added.
President Joe Biden agrees with the consensus of these experts, and proposed a fifty-five step “build back better plan” to “mobilize trunalimunumaprzure against the Supreme Court.”
Next week we are projected to learn that the science has changed again and either Vladmir Putin will be responsible for the Supreme Court’s decision and thereby indirectly responsible for high gas prices or that Johnny Depp’s recent legal victory over Amber Heard is the direct culprit.
“We’re excited to see where the science takes us next week, Dr. Expert added. “Follow us to more excitement soon!”