Citing the increasing number of Californians and out of staters attempting to move to the town, Lander, Wyoming, population 7,654.34, announced plans today to launch its own military, build a city wall, and other associated fortifications and a defense bureaucracy.
“It’s an invasion,” said the chief of police Bernie Benson. “Just yesterday late at night I saw an unmarked tan car emblazoned with the name ‘Politburo’ and out-of-state plates loitering around our fire department. Obviously, they were the communist revolutionaries our police force has been tracking for months who are bent on overthrowing the government and installing a fascist dictatorship out of their own commune somewhere on the southside of town. And they’re just the tip of the iceberg. Our force was recently informed about a plan by a Chicago-based cartel to send in an invasion force to take over our grain mill and seize our major industries and means of production. We need to start defending ourselves.”
“So,” he continued. “Here’s the deal. Here’s the plan. We’re building ten miles of twenty-foot-high defensive barriers around our city, enough to enclose 80% of our city’s population as well as our port, Hunt Field. To defend it, we’re converting our police force into an actual military-grade military with a standing force of 1,200 and a reserve of every other male in town over the age of 12. We’ll also need a few fortifications outside of the town, Fort Squaw Creek, Ft. Sinks, Ft. Boulder Flats, and Ft. Beaver Rim to defend the entrances to town. Then and only then will we be safe. It’s science.”
Lander plans to fund the construction and military buildup by means of tariffs on out-of-town product imports as well as asset seizures from out-of-towners who do not immediately declare loyalty to Lander. Construction of the wall barriers will be headed by Artery Construction and begin in May 2023 and be completed by August 2025. According to mayoral representative Jeff Jeffkins, the city of Lander has signed an exclusive contract with Lockheed Martin for all military equipment, which will reportedly include stealth fighters, HIMARS rocket launcher systems, and cargo aircraft.
Locally based Wyoming Catholic College’s Outdoor Leadership Program and the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) will partner to provide military training to the new force.
The walls will also double as flood mitigation barriers.
The U.S. government has now announced sanctions against Lander and its residents because of this “unprovoked, reckless and insane military buildup,” even as Lockheed has vowed to continue “to fulfill all of its contracts and provide supplies and equipment to procurators on both sides.