By a Concerned Christian

Do you consider yourself a real Christian?

Well, if you’re breathing, thinking, receiving sunlight, smelling, or even smiling, you are not taking the Christian life seriously enough.

I mean just think about it. If you do any of these things, you’re obviously enjoying created things more than the Creator.

And you’re not really a Christian if you’re doing that.

And most people do these things. So most people are not Christian.

Hey, its actually worse.

You are only a real Christian if you are in the Chapel 24/7 for all of Lent. No, make that all year long. No, make that your whole life.

Hey if you weren’t born in the chapel, you’re doing something wrong. Hey, if you weren’t concei.. , oh, uh, no…

So, remember, for the rest of Lent, just don’t be embodied.

And also, when you’re in the chapel, make sure that its so cold that you’re always going hypothermia (or I guess it could always be so hot that you’re sweating all the time, but that would also be a sin of gluttony, being gluttonous on heat, so I guess you’ve got to be cold.)

Also, make sure you’re not wearing any clothes for all of Lent. No, make that your whole life. Dastardly creature comforts. No, that’s not it.

Uhh, actually, make sure you’re not wearing any clothes but are also away from all people. If you weren’t born a hermit, there is no share for you in the kingdom of God.

Oh, but also make sure you’re serving others. Don’t forget almsgiving. Don’t forget charity. I guess you need clothes for that. Would a bunch of black trash bags work?

Oh, and make sure that your chapel both doesn’t let sunlight in because that would be allowing you to enjoy the sun again. But also make sure it doesn’t shade you. That’s another dastardly creature comfort.

No pews. AND, I forgot again, you were supposed to have you’re own chapel, so you wouldn’t enjoy the mere friendship of other human beings more than God during Lent. But make sure you also don’t get to soft and attached to your Chapel. It’s not the building that matters its the heart.

Oh, and by the way, don’t think during Lent. That’s also a distraction.

Remember not to breathe either. Are you not strong enough to give up air for Christ?

So why are you even reading this site, yOU PAgAN!!!