“Let’s lift the restriction on everything. Boom, there it is, we’ve solved the problem of sin!”
Blaise The Sick and Savage
Although Dr. Holmes rang a hersey bell in opposition to this comment, extending as it does an interpretation of the purpose of the Council of Jerusalem, Blaise’s idea of removing rules or commandments was raised independently today by Cardinal Günter Schuster of Germany. This is the same Cardinal who just two months ago “had the same idea” as another WCC student, a correlation that has many suspicious.
“How has this happened?” questions a bewildered WCC Junior, Sophia Donalson. “Everyone thought it the last thing was a coincidence, but twice is a trend. Darius, Sarah, and bubble-blessing were one thing, but I don’t think anyone can argue that he didn’t pull this idea straight from another student.” Similarly, Freshman Steven Kimber of North Carolina is already worried of any bright ideas he has “finding their way” over to Germany. “What if I have an idea? Will it get copied too? He obviously copied Blaise word-for-word with the ‘innovative solution’ and ‘boom, there it is’ statements of his plan.”
Cardinal Schuster’s plan, which he has sent directly to the Vatican for approval, removes all sins “from the books and will so make everyone holier” he claims. “No more sin, no more confession, no more trouble. Its’s just a rousing – You be You.” He seems to have had a rosier reception so far than Blaise received, something which bothers WCC’s student rockers even more. As Ryan Engles, a WCC Senior states, “It’s obviously a set-up by the WCC theology department, angry … probably … about how we seem to have come up with the all good ideas, polygamous cults, polyAndrewy, eight types of dating and a god of mischief. I guess they’re just getting their revenge more subtlety than they did last time with Everett.”
While the WCC theology department officially denies these claims, students hosting protests have already gathered nearly five signatures to demand that Hillary Halsmer appoint another special counsel to investigate how the Cardinal is being fed such purloined ideas.
Regarding Blaise and the Cardinal’s actual nearly identical proposals, little has been said by anyone from WCC, though a vote of the German Bishop’s Council seems set to add their signatures, paving the way for a likely qualified permission by the Vatican.
At IIT, our sources have not yet divulged whether the qualified permission we expect to be granted will apply only in Germany or worldwide but we see a higher chance of this proposal passing than other commentators who think this possible plagiarism investigation could derail the proposal. As our Theological commentator the average Muslim Liturgist reports, “Cardinal Schuster has lots of connections in Rome that should see his innovation passed rather easily. And if he gets it done, all the restrictions will obviously be gone on everything, so there’s no proble-mo for him afterwards related to canon law or any of those rumored ephemeral ‘Catholic laws’.”
But where does this leave Blaise? Well, it seems he cares less about the credit for this innovation than most, and simply and calmly just said: “Sharing isn’t always caring, sometimes its malaria.” We’re still trying to understand this reaction, but perhaps its just his nature and the confusion of the moment that once had him in a similar situation saying, “I feel like I have questions, but I don’t know what they are.”
By the way, on the “innovative solution”, does it need a few whats or whys? At press time we were just told it might actually be heretical. We’ll have to talk with our Average Muslim Liturgist again to see what that means.
“Life just gets a hold of you and then you wind up with a snail for a sugar daddy.”
Blaise