|Taken from his cell-phone JohnJohn here
shows the place from which he so narrowly
escaped with his life Thursday.
WCC Freshman Rocker JohnJohn, home for several weeks among the surfer dudes of California, only narrowly escaped mortal injury during a visit to the “enemy territory” land of TAC. “It was awful,” was all that our reporters could get out of him, exhausted as he was with attempting an escape. Apparently, he had been visiting a “friend” at TAC’s Santa Paula campus, but accidentally having worn a WCC shirt, was attacked and “run out of town on a rail” as an eyewitness report anonymously informed us.
JohnJohn is being treated for multiple supposed injuries at Calfornia’s We Decide if You Live medical center where rumors suggest the possible danger of implementation of the so-called “timmy-treatment”. “He was just visiting, and had no malicious intent,” says a concerned WCC Sophomore. “How could those philosophical minds at TAC stoop to such a level.”
We received news here at IIT about JohnJohn via an anonymous agent within TAC grounds whom we must keep confidential for his own safety, but have been informed that he is fully cooperating with IIT, the FBI, and WCC’s own security team to investigate the matter. TAC officially has disclaimed any responsibility for the event, suggesting even that “nothing ever happened to JohnJohn, there was no collusion”. However, their official statment contains an apparent threat as they said there would be a “horror show, and eleven angry democrats if any spies from WCC do decide to enter their campus.”
WCC Security Chief Andrew Matthews says at press time only that “we are pushing for a diplomatic solution in our negotiation as we investigate. Nothing will be done on TAC’s grounds without their express permission but we call on them to investigate the matter themselves as we do all that we can”
WCC Student Life director Kristin Milligan says that all “send their prayers and condolences to JohnJohn and his family for his quick and full recovery.”
[note: nothing actually happened to him although the photo is real and was taken by a WCC student on TAC grounds last week]