Salt Lake City, UT: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Sainthood (LDS) annouced an investigation today into its two missionaries assigned to Lander, WY. Local reports from Lander say the two elders assigned to that town may be mistakenly practicing the art of reverse apologetics rather than their normal mission.
Mormon leaders dismiss this suggestion as with Elder Mormon 1 saying, “This is only a typical review, where we ensure that our missionaries are best serving the needs of your community.
However, there is much evidence that they are hanging out around Catholics a lot, even being taken to Mass four times by what local Mormons refer to as a “dangerously fervent Russian Catholic”
“We’re really worried about him harassing our poor missionaries. He brings student after student around to debate them from WCC and we fear they may have been lost already,” our Mormon source said on condition of anonymity.
The Mormon investigation could only remove them officially from their positions if they are found to have become Catholic, although they may be removed for their own safety and well being considering the extreme environment they’ve been working in.
“With having to face that Neo-Pythagorean at the dance last February, getting hit by the juggling batons at the street fair, and not being able to escape the Catholic presence in town wherever they go, it’s a nightmare few can stand,” offers our staff Average Muslim Liturgist, an expert in interfaith relationships. “Their church may just remove or reassign them for their own mental health, especially after their getting rejected repeatedly from the usual secret weapon of flirting to convert.”
At press time, the investigation discovered that the two have actually joined Janelle’s cult and are traipsing down Main St. playing “Bunny, Bunny” while the two missionaries sent immediately to replace them were found by J. Pho. almost immediately.