Bernie in Baldwin?

Lander, WY – It’s only partially confirmed and first-person reports are few, but former Democrat presidential candidate and Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is rumored (at least) to be attending Wyoming Catholic College (WCC).

An image of him sitting in a chair in front of a bookshelf showed up in several news outlets yesterday, and looks “weirdly close” to the view inside of WCC’s Baldwin Library, specifically the shelves located within Classroom D. Though we’ve spoken to no one who has seen the presidential candidate in that room personally and have been unable to find the photographer, though Republican candidate Anthony Jones is suspected from the framing, we have 98% confidence from analysis of the books on the shelf, lighting, and the chair he’s sitting on, that the picture was taken in the college’s primary classroom building, Baldwin.

Now, we suppose, Senator Sanders could have been merely paying a visit, but he has no constituents at Wyoming Catholic College, no believed chance at winning Wyoming in next year’s election and no known relatives or friends in Wyoming at all. Perhaps he could have come to Lander to speak to people from the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS), headquartered as it is across from WCC and with a quite liberal staff and clientele. But, the photo, again, is not from NOLS, but from within WCC’s Baldwin Building and NOLS, nor any organization within Wyoming at all has made any mention at all of a visit from the self-declared “democratic socialist” candidate. Surely if he was holding a rally for his campaign he’d have told someone, right?

Thus, he must have been in Lander, WY at WCC for some other reason, such as being a student, we must conclude. Wyoming Catholic, though quite conservative historically and by its founding has faced some “disturbing trends that hint at socialism of late” as junior Julia Kuplack commented. Socialism, by its nature, doesn’t arise organically, but can only come through some sort of “sharing” or “distribution of ideas”. Thus, the socialistic trends we’ve noted, as with the “Biker gang” last year and its methods of getting “its” bicycles, or the “mass borrowing culture” of just about anybody’s stuff, or the seeming recent trend of campus work becoming “volunteerism” all point to someone within the school spreading socialistic ideas. Of course, last year’s graduating class had one declared socialist in its ranks, and he could be to blame for some of this activity at WCC, but trends this year have rather accelerated. Someone else has to have been involved, and with this image showing proof of not just a declared socialist, but a socialist leader at Wyoming Catholic College, this may just be the answer. Bernie Sanders, either directly as himself, or under some pseudonym, is a student at WCC.

This may sound like a radical position to take, but further evidence comes from Friday’s Sophomore Theology class, when Dr. Dziad specifically called the name “Bernie” while taking role. IIT staff were present at this class and did not take notice of which student he was referring to by this denomination, but Dr. Dziad interestingly didn’t wait to look at any of the known students who might have that as a nickname,. Rather, he called another name immediately, writing something down in his notebook as he did so. Possibly marking down an absence, we suspect? No one saw Bernie Sanders present at that class, but perhaps he was on the roster for being part of that section and was merely absent.

Parker Eidle, a WCC Senior running for president of WCC commented on this rumor in an exclusive interview with IIT’s research specialists. Quoth he: “It is a distinct possibility. I have seen on numerous occasions confused looking students with horrible hairdos who seem to have all the wrong ideas about politics on numerous occasions while attending Wyoming Catholic College. I’m not saying he’s here, but between me and you, I’m not saying he’s not.”

It’s hard to reconcile Bernie Sanders being a student here with the lack of any confirmed direct sighting. We still believe he’s here, in full accord with Pako’s statment of “I’m not saying he’s not”, but he must be in disguise to have managed to avoid being directly sighted. Still, he’d obviouusly look older than most students here, but there are plenty of older-looking people hanging around at Crux while “very few” people “really know all the seniors” or those who live at the small St. Isaac Anthony Reynolds and St. Marley Decker dormitories for that matter. If Bernie Sanders skips classes quite often, is rather un-social, and doesn’t eat at Frassati that much, it’d be pretty easy for him to slip past the concious gaze of most.

School administrators we queried on the subject refused to comment on whether or not Sanders is a student here and Populi shows no profile information on him, but smoking gun evidence comes from junior Anthony Raab who runs the school’s computer network and email systems. He said that he “saw listed in an email roster” and believes former school IT director Sebastian Harson set up a “Bernie” with the new .edu email address last semester.

IIT analysts are still interviewing people and attempting to find further evidence, but we believe the current situation, even as it leaves us without reasoning for why exactly Bernie Sanders would want in partiuclar to corrupt and “socialismify” WCC personally, we know at least by induction, that he is here. It sounds crazy, but we’re all feeling that “bern”; Bernie Sanders might just be in your class!