New York – A recent medical study has indicated an unexpected correlation between possession of a medical certificate and allergies to apples. “It appears that every doctor runs into some sort of ‘wall’ whenever they get near an apple,” says Dr. Gerard Hicklope of the Golden Rule Medical Group. “Weirdly it happens more often when they come near a patient who has eaten an apple in the last day.”

“We’re not sure how we didn’t notice this correlation before, but maybe it was because people who regularly eat apples never go to the doctor” he added. No real explanation has been offered, but “possessing a medical certificate seems to be what triggers this crazy new allergy” which doctors have described as “running literally into a brick wall when they approach a patient.” Weirdly doctors themselves can still eat apples without symptoms, but approaching anyone else who has eaten an apple in the past day triggers this weird effect.

A related study also by the Golden Rule Medical group found that 95% of cat deaths are caused by curious actions on the part of the feline.