Lander, WY – Wyoming Catholic College Math/Science/Philosophy professor Dr. Henry Zepeda disappeared this week on a backcountry backpacking trip according to reports of students on the trip. “He was playing games in the back of our line with the Slammer,” reports one sophomore, “and then he just wasn’t there. Maybe it’s the fact we were climbing a peak at the time that made me not notice for awhile,” he added, “but he just wasn’t there when we came back into camp.”
None of the trip’s leaders, including freshman backpacking expert Jeffery Sarvis seemed to notice, with all of them acting as though everything was fine even though all nine other members of the trip also concur that “Zepeda just didn’t come back with us”.
IIT agents are attempting to assist in the investigation, although with school officials officialy officiating over a story that “Zepeda isn’t gone and everything’s normal” it’s obviously quite hard to really get anywhere investigation wise.
Sophomores, the primary class Dr. Zepeda is teaching at the moment, report, “that that they are totally fine with the absence of Euclid although they are slightly bereaved at the disappearance of such an admirable, and knowledgeable man as Dr. Zepeda.”
Most of the members of the backpacking trip were formerly part of WCCLE 5, infamous for their misadventures at the end of the 2018 Freshman Expedition where they got lost in the wilderness for an extra day, something that our experts believe would be a major clue behind a Zepeda disappearance, with IIT investigator Sophia Donaldson in particular suggesting that “the same thing happened again and instead of Mik getting lost for an hour this time its Zepeda for an absolutely massive amount of time with members of WCCLE 5 most definitely the primary suspects for any mistake that may have led to such a situation.”
According to an unnamed official at the WCC Outdoor Leadership Program COR Expeditions who does admit to Zepeda’s disappearance, “it is troubling” because they were looking to Dr. Zepeda as a future replacement for Dr. Zimmer as head of the OLP when the time eventually comes for Zimmer’s retirement. “That would really throw a wrench into our hopes,” our source added.
NOTE: Like everything on our site, this is satire.