Washington, D.C. – Apparently diseases are now jiving with the season too, as the US Center for Disease Control (CDC) announced they have discovered a mutant strain of the coronavirus they are now calling “pumpkin spice”.
“Look at a lot if it in a microscope and it’s orange, looks like a pumpkin, and, reportedly, tastes like it too,” says CDC director Dr. Noah Itall. “It has all the effects of the regular coronavirus, including inducing difficulty breathing, mimicking the symptoms of flu, and exacerbating pre-existing conditions, all that, but with a Fall ‘perfect for the season’ flair.”
“Even the diseases are celebrating the holidays,” says National Institute of Health director Dr. Eye Dontacare. “This discovery means we can now have festive lockdowns from a festive virus and launch a pumpkin spice scare on top of the coronavirus scare. ‘Are your pumpkin spice lattes causing the coronavirus to spread?’ The possibilities are endless.”
Almost no substantial differences are evident in the effects, spread rate, or death rate from the pumpkin spice coronavirus as compared to the regular coronavirus, but the genome definitely does cause the appearance of the characteristics Dr. Noah Itall described according to science researchers IIT managed to interview who have been investigating the genome.
The Pumpkin Spice coronavirus strain appears to have first split off as a discernible strain October 1st and appeared first in Seattle, Washington according to the researchers.
Several more potential coronavirus strains, including a Halloween Blend, a Barbeque Cheddar, and a Hawaian Pineapple are in the process of being sequenced by various scientific labs. One researcher we interviewed predicts Cinnamon Spice and Candy Cane strains will appear by Christmas as well, justifying “Cinnamon Lockdowns” which “really would sound quite sweet” according to Dr. Noah Itall.