Lander, WY – Following the school’s recent hiring of a third female admissions counselor, Wyoming Catholic College announced a further change today, that it will “be transitioning to a women’s school beginning in 2026.”

This means that the school will no longer be accepting men to the college and will graduate its last man in May 2026, becoming all female thereafter. “We’ve been moving in this direction anyway with a 2:1 ratio of women to men,” said the school’s director of admissions Marilyn Trust. “But finally taking the step of only accepting women will simplify our marketing.”

“This will solve all our problems,” chimed in the head of the school’s Design Committee and wife of the college president Dr. Maryland Shrubbery. “Finally, finally, we’ll have decorum that George Washington would love.”

Even the maintenance director Mike Neehan was enthused. “Finally no more dorm raids, busted doors, or couples for lockup to deal with. We’ll be saving all kinds of money.”

The head of the school’s food service believes that not only “will we save money because women eat less than men, but we’ll be able to simplify our orders because everyone will be gluten and dairy free.”

The school’s Outdoor Leadership Program COR is excited because they will no longer need male instructors, a huge cost savings, because, as we all know, men make more than women anyways.

However, a few departments have raised concerns, such as professor of political philosophy Dr. Pakos Pakopolous, who warned that this will lead to a “worrisome lowering of academic standards. What’s next, women’s studies? They don’t exist.”

Further, the Byzantine chaplain for the college, Fr. Kyle Chanderson is worried about the liturgy: “Who’s going to serve? Who’s going to sing? Unlike the Roman chaplaincy, we have a habit, a tradition, as a matter of fact, of only attracting men.”

Marilyn Trust admits that “a few departments will have to make some difficult adjustments during the transitional period, as FLEX will break to their longstanding tradition of only having one woman on the crew and no allowing women to do lockup, but I think we can manage. We just need to build a relationship and show them what the school is really about, #community.”

Disappointed men who had hoped of attending Wyoming Catholic College in the future are advised to “just go straight to the seminary. You wouldn’t have had any luck here anyway.”