New York City, NY – On the heels of yesterday’s national announcement of a two-week anti-UFO lockdown, U.S pharmaceutical giant Pfizer announced today that they have developed an anti-UFO vaccine, called “UFO-vax” that will protect against a range of extraterrestrial threats, including UFOs, alien abductions, and spy balloons.

“Just two shots, and then a monthly booster and you’re good to go,” announced the company’s CEO Albert Bourla in a press conference today. “Imagine being able to go back outside without fears of seeing a UFO, being abducted by aliens, or even seeing a spy balloon. With our shot, you’ll be safe guaranteed, but remember, your shot protects others from alien encounters, so even if you think you’re immune you need to get UFOvax and everyone else needs to get it to protect you.”

U.S. president Joe Biden commented during a White House briefing today: “Listen folks, here’s the deal. We’re only going to end the UFO lockdown once everyone’s vaccinated against these bloody alien buggers. So, get the vaccine Jack, or I’ll wrap it round your neck like a rosie. Rosie, are you in the room, I love the smell of your hair.”

He was quickly rushed from the stage.

Pfizer stock soared 42% today after rumors, yet unconfirmed, that the United States would be mandating everyone receive UFOvax in order to go outside. And, that the vaccine would cost $300 per dose, to be funded by a new “UFO pandemic relief aid bill.”

According to American immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci, current head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), “the Pfizer vaccine is a first step towards returning to normal, but we also need to do more, to stop the deadly UFO pandemic in its tracks.”

Fauci recommended donating $400 billion more to Ukraine, donating $1 billion to his own retirement fund, and donating $10 billion more to Pfizer for “necessary research needs like directed evolution of alien life and assistance to aliens in developing death ray technologies that work against homo sapiens.”

Pfizer has announced that the vaccine will be available in December 2024 once clinical trials are completed, and Facui also recommends that the U.S. lockdown be extended until then.

90% of trial patients for UFOvax have already died from myocarditis.