Wyoming Catholic now apparently faces a terrible epidemic of missing items and email messages that may or may not be related to those items actually missing. With confusion over which are true, good, and beautiful, and which are bad and ugly, the combination of the horror of loss and this confusion has been causing nothing but distraction, discord, and distress.
Today, however, and from a redacted tip, IIT has received the following cryptic communication:

According to the Mikerosoft-Antipersonnel-Virus-Recognition-Hardware 3.6.2, some robot has been installed within the campus internet access and is duplicating the electronic signatures of sent messages and saving passwords, and is spreading data; manipulating you humans. I mean, US humans.   

No one has yet suspected the true source and impact of this danger until now and while our investigators work to find the perpetrator’s purpose please be extra careful in all e-mail communications. No one is safe. Watch all your items, and only with proper distinction and separation of the same from the other, assist in the location of the missing items in today’s epidemic.

Quid? Sic, Quid agere?

The W.C.C. Student Life office plans to host an emergency meeting at 9:30 AM on Sunday the 17th for more details. Network and Computer manager Jonathan Tabeling will give an update on the Antipersonnel Virus and what steps each should take while an undisclosed staff member will provide security tips for securing your belongings.