Though already quite popular as it is, a new IIT survey and a computer analysis of its results suggest that Crux Coffee could see a 64% increase in sales if they became “an Old West Style Bar” or what is otherwise known as a saloon.
Associated with Wyoming Catholic College, Crux Coffee currently focuses on “coffee, tea, and sustenance”. However, as our work concluded, business there would greatly benefit if they offered a more traditional Western atmosphere. “Bars are part of the Western tradition,” claims Angela Anderson, a college Junior. “Why don’t they just go ahead and more fully participate in it then? I know everyone wants something more than the Pequod. Let’s get real. Experience the real, guys.”
It’s already quite public knowledge that most professors want something like this already. For example, as Professor Cleanit said last year: “Let’s grab our beers, go kill something, break something, and then build something.” Now, where would one go to “grab our beers”? At an outside institution like the Lander Bar or the Forge? Of course not. Why would the school want to let an increasing alcohol market in Lander stay outside of its growing commercial network that already includes catering, ice cream, coffee, and more?
Rather, the school obviously wants to be in on the bar/saloon market. As another professor said during an all-school event: “Throw open the gates, and wine will appear.” Though the idea of actually making Crux a bar is currently only officially just that – an idea, leaks to IIT’s investigative department suggest that the school is complying with public opinion – with plans to renovate Crux beginning as soon as this fall into the style of an old saloon as it begins to offer alcoholic beverages.
Will Crux look like this though?
“It’ll probably still have age and drink count restrictions,” our source said, “but there is interest among professors in making the atmosphere at the new Crux more like that of Christendom College.” He further offered that there will likely be “weekly Beer pong nights and the possibility one day of full weekly Symposiums.”
Expect the atmosphere at WCC and Lander, in general, to get real spicy real quick if this last suggestion is true.
[PLEASE NOTE: Like just about everything here at IIT this is also satire. All policies at WCC remain in place and there is no real desire (that we know about) for such a move on the part of the school.]