Finally open after eight months of shifting and scrambling, we at Irkutsk Ice Truckers finally have a permanent headquarters. It’s big, tough, and heavy metal, as fits our metalhead personalities, comes with an attached warehouse of our merchandise, products, and projects, and is open for any of our student rocker (and perhaps even professor) customers to visit. Come on over!
There may be loud music playing while we work and there may be other visitors whose presence might make you have to wait, but we’ll get to you, and again, are more than happy for your presence.
Architecturally, our “Rockhouse” is built of heavy-metal with band posters lining our walls, guitars hanging from the ceiling, and a state-of-the-art email server from Hillary Clinton’s famed technology company Body#Tech in one of our closets.
Some, but not all of our staff (as some are committed to transforming their own communities to the metallic life) will actually live at the Rockhouse, with guitar shaped beds folding out of the walls for them, and, we plan, full stereo sound systems built in to their mattresses so that every staff member who so chooses can be immersed in metal even as they sleep.
And did I neglect to mention the coolest, most heavy metal music aspect of our new headquarters? The full building acts like a giant loudspeaker, with projected sound volumes in the 90-100 db range, the finest bass and treble in the world, and quality combining to offer the most truly “rad and experience the real” experience of any sound system. We don’t know until full tests, which are scheduled now for September, as to whether our innovative full building amplifier stereo is actually the world’s loudest (there’s a chance Pako’s personal set may, just barely, hold the world record) but it has to at least be quite close.
You’ll have to come over to see it all for yourself, so again please consider stopping by. Our new headquarters, according to an internal study, will improve our article accuracy and production rates by 20% each so even if you can’t find the time to come, you’ll still love what our new building has done for us, and indirectly, thus, you.
The Irkutsk Ice Truckers Rockhouse, now finally a building that’s better than metal.