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WCC Junior Benjamin Bridge thinks he has found the perfect way to improve efficiency in any job position. The concept of “eating under the job” diametrically opposed to the contradictory and inefficient concept of “eating on the job” is his new creation as he explained to IIT reporters tonight.

We did not understand what he meant at first, being as what he was talking about and at the same time demonstrating seemed to be able to be classified under a far simpler formality, simply that of eating, but under the concomitant condition of occurring at the same time as the secondary actualization of the subject under consideration called work. 

This supposed formality would be “eating on the job” a single concept that is but in reality incidental and accidental in the subject of the employee of which it is present is. However, it is treated by employers as if it were an essential object, which, when sensed, or that is, when it actualizes the receptive potency in the sense organs of a living body possessive of a sensitive soul, in particular, that of the employer, causes actualization of a response back upon the employee in which this aforesaid concept was present. 

“Eating under the job” as it is fully admitted to by the persons involved, is different, a substantial substance to itself rather than anything concomitant. As the employee doing such makes no attempt to hide it, he can attach a deeper philosophical meaning to the actions involved and so elevate the nature of the moment to something positive and perfecting of human nature.

As Ben explained further to us, his discovery of this fact of such an action was simple and accidental but the results astounding and transcendent. Seemingly the same in most external accidents to that of “eating on the job”, “eating under the job” is rather participative in a transcendent immaterial form. The one who eats under the job supplies a substratum for the work performed to become an accidental characteristic upon rather than the other way around. This means that work, rather than being an end in itself, is rather a characteristic upon an essential type of eating that is directed towards the perfection of the reasoning, or best part of the soul. This is as the one who eats under the job is freed from the fear of being fired by being completely open and honest with himself, the world, his employer, and God as to what he is doing and can instead focus the whole weight of his mental energies upon philosophizing to the end of perfecting his soul.

Philosophizing about food, in particular, is an all but lost branch of the philosophical and perhaps even poetic modes of life, as the last reference among major philosophers to that subject, Aristotle’s De Edente and its sequel De Dente exist recognized as legitimate by only a few philosophers. Thus few develop this part of their soul and little know how to do it properly, something that eating under the job, as it is philosophy predicated upon a person in the actualized act of eating per se, would help improve.

Relationships between employers and employees are also much improved and deepened by food as Aristotle says “eating is to companionship as potency to act”. This is the betterment that is Ben’s further hope to be a resultant of “eating under the job” by hopefully enticing both employer and employee to just “don’t worry about it” with respect to any business or client concerns and just philosophize together with food, food receptive to the passion “of being eaten” (Aristotle, 76) and acting as a substratum in at least a metaphorical sense to the philosophical dialogue, or union of souls that the two or more persons are engaging each other with.

Now there must be limits by nature at least to this practice, as one cannot unequivocally just allow any food into the midst of deep philosophical dialogue. Onions, apples, and burnt tuna are opposed to the proper state of mind that is a requirement for philosophy and according to the authority of most ancient philosophers instead lead in most weakened souls to sophistic impulses and the growth of the lower passions and parts of the soul over the higher. Thus these foods, and likely according to most modern accounts the consumption of alcohol should not be in these settings, but  just about anything else is “fine and dandy”.

Now Ben says that deeper investigation into this subject is far more than merited, “eating under the job” having no prior place in inquiries of any formality before now other than tangential references that are now applied upon it. Popularizing this action is now his chief goal and Junior Leadership Project here at WCC while we suspect he will make his senior thesis also on this subject and his explorations on it to come.

Until then, he can be reached thankyouben@irkutskicetruckers.com if any of you would like more information on the subject as he understands it now.