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Irkutsk Ice Truckers’ heavy metal staff is proud to have been part of the all-star rescue team that helped “Mom” and “And” with their stranded catering van this morning. Bringing the daily load of fresh-baked pastries, breads, and donuts to Crux Coffee, the Angel from Canada’s baking crew are always quick and efficient, dropping everything off right at 7. Until today, that is, when a winter storm that can be described only properly as Canadian for how unbelievably unreal and extreme it felt, dropped multiple feet of snow on Lander.

Stuck, skidding, and digging itself deeper and deeper by the day as their van was mere feet short of Crux, IIT responded within minutes, but due to the extremity of the situation external help was required, community involvement which IIT is proud to have been part of

“We were proud to partner with the Baldwin Triumvirate, the Superflex Superteam, and Anslam Technologies today,” said IIT President Everett Polinski in a statement about IIT’s rescue. “When there’s a serious threat to the community as a whole it’ demands community involvement and any risk of WCC’s business venture Crux Coffee not getting their pastries on time is one of those events.”

Even the advanced technologies of cardboard, shovels, and wood shims failed rescuers, leading to an hour long ordeal with brute strength and human ingenuity attempting to overcome the forces of nature and perhaps even the Divine. “We don’t know yet if this was more divine punishment for Crux,” says Fr. Kyle Chanderson, a college chaplian, “but they need to know that they’re going experience more and more trouble if they remain remaining open on Sundays.

Group efforts succeeded in pushing the vehicle out after an hour of effort, but the van got stuck two more times within the next five minutes, an “unprecedented new showing of the current deadly state of our transportation” according to Lander mayoral candidate Dr. Schubert who continued. “Dr Schubert for the Lander Roads 2020: ‘Protect Your Imaginary Dream Car!'”

IIT makes no endorsement positive or negative on the political statements made in this article.