Washington D.C. – In a move to fight a recent onset of post-traumatic stress disorder amongst Democratic congressmen, U.S. President Donald Trump offered to personally pay for the construction of a “safe-space break room”
In conversation with an IIT interviewer this morning Trump told us: “Congresswomen Ilhan Omar told me today personally how threatened and traumatized she and some of her colleagues feel about America winning. She’s a great person, a very good friend, so I just had to do something and we came up with this great idea of giving them a real safe space. You know it’s kind of shameful because I think personally its really something they need, but Congress does not yet have a safe space. They just don’t folks. But we’re going to change that. We’re going to build them the best one ever, the safest one ever. It’s going to be so safe that they’re going to be saying maybe we shouldn’t have impeached Trump, he builds us a nice safe space.”
Trump’s plan will encompass an 8,400 square foot underutilized part of the U.S. capitol building filling it with soft couches, warm blankets, TV’s playing only CNN, posters of Hilary Clinton, Hugo Chavez, and Qasem Soleimani, coloring books, hot chocolate, a therapy dog kenell, and a 100% trigger-warning free experience. Trump would cover the construction, operation, and security of the space himself, admittance being open to all
However, the space will be unnamed. “I was thinking of calling it the Trump Safe Space, but I’m a nice guy,” Trump continued. “For some of them, they seem to go crazy at even hearing my name. It’s horrible. Many of them can’t even go gambling because they end up getting triggered playing cards at a casino and hearing “trump”. Its crazy folks, just absolutely crazy how traumatized they are.”
Nancy Pelosi seems to have officially rejected this offer, however, as of 10 pm EST Thursday. “For our congresspersons, the offer of the president would be an insult, as a Trump-sponsored space would be filled with fear, the name itself destroying any of the nice gestures he’s throwing around with his words.”
Many Hollywood actors, however, would still jump at the chance to get into such a place, also recently suffering PTSD after hearing the terribly depressing and unexpected fact that not everyone might actually like them.